Monday, June 6, 2011

Guest Post: Lola Putting the “Cure” in Manicure


You guys, Lola is leaving me for the Motherland this weekend. She'll be gone for two weeks. We chat daily...hourly, in fact. Minutely, mostly. And here you'll see what exactly it is we chat about. I promised her we'll start a fund for her bail if for any reason she's detained in Russia and not allowed back.

 I don’t know if many of you know this, but Stephanie and I love to waste company time. Really, slacking off is never quite so much fun at home, when you’re at your leisure and free to wallow in your own crapulence – i.e., check Facebook, catch up on your favorite blogs, visit stupid sites and Google random things. Personally, I always feel like I’m wasting precious time – I could be vacuuming! And hey, the car needs a wash.

But at work, things are different. You’re not going anywhere, not for the next 8 hours anyway, so you might as well make the most of it. I think this is how people who were stupid and/or lazy enough to go into crime end up getting law degrees and writing best-selling books while in prison. Back on the outside, there are convenience stores to rob! But here, it’s just you and the bunk! So why not attend Harvard Law by correspondence? The prison return address alone makes your admission essay a shoo-in.

So on a lazy Thursday in prison…I mean the office, Stephanie and I got to talking. Strictly girl talking – nail polish, to be exact. And we both love and adore OPI, not least of all because of their colorful (no pun intended) shade names.

We took a stab at coming up with some potential ones, which this is where we discovered that we may have a great career ahead of us in marketing. And so, I bring you The 10 Greatest Nail Polish Names OPI Will Never Go For. (Just so you know, these are mainly on the subject of animal noises – Wee ‘Burb has been rebelliously learning them in French to annoy her mother. But hey, that’s a whole separate blog topic.) So here we go:

#10. “Pre-MOO-nition pink”
#9. “RIBBIT-tickling red”
#8. “WOOF-it-down grey”
#7. “Can I BAA-row a Feeling white” (Kirk Van Houten, you’re our homeboy)
#6. “You bel-OINK to me blue”

#5. Then, an obligatory PSA: “NEIGH-borhood watch black”

#4. While we’re on the subject of horses: “after-NEIGH-n delight”

#3. A big of magic: “Occult-it like I see it lavender”

#2. “MEOW, that's lovely pink”

#1. And, the ultimate, the Numero Uno (drum roll please): Growl-and-Eat-Humans Green (bears). Stephanie, I can’t take the credit for that one, it was all yours!

Any other gems we’re missing? (P.S. if any OPI execs are reading this, my resume and portfolio of other brilliant ideas are available upon request. Lola loves OPI, y’all!)

302 comments:

1 – 200 of 302   Newer›   Newest»
Sparkling said...

First, as a French teacher, I have to say TRES BIEN Wee Burb! (or should I say oui burb?) You keep on with the French noises!

Second, a language arts teacher and her peers had lengthy discussions one year about the phrase WOOF it down. We believe it's "wolf it down" like a wild wolf hurriedly swallowing food. She thought it was "woof it down" because dogs woof. I am pretty sure it's WOLF.

Rach (DonutsMama) said...

LOL! Brilliant. I'm glad I'm not the only one who tries to come up with OPI names too. Although I can't think of anyone at the moment.

It's so fun having a prison buddy. Makes the day go by faster!

tenaciouslyyours.com said...

LOVE THIS. I think #5 cracked me up the most since our development is a Neighborhood Watch Area as well...hahahaha...Like, what am I going to see next, a McGruff House?

SmartBear said...

OH.MY.HELL.
This is divine and I love every one of them. True story. (and you know I have to tell) In grad school...I should preface this with the very FANCY pants grad school I attended with the number one program in the country that I still can't figure out HOW I got in...THAT grad school. Anyway, in grad school during the last few weeks one of our professors was going around class and asking everyone to talk about their dream jobs and what they were doing to go after it. He made the mistake of choosing me to speak first. I told him my dream job was to work as the gal who came up with all the catchy names at the OPI nail polish company and that I was making sure to get plenty of pedicures to "polish" up on my mad skillz. Crickets chirped. I had no idea this was a serious question.
"In your field of interest, Miss H...as a therapist with children? What are your AMBITIONS?"
Oh, yeah...that student loan debt was well thought out.
Best,
Tina

Ramsey said...

I love OPI...who doesn't?!? Thank you for the birthday wishes! You guys make me feel so special!

Dianna@KennedyAdventures said...

I'm such a ditz .... had to go back and read this twice, thinking OPI had flipped their lids.

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