Monday, June 27, 2011

The Drive of Shame

All my life, I have wanted to drive a golf cart.

I even tried to convince Scott that we should drive away from our wedding in a golf cart. No sale.

Possibly because we were married in a rather urban area and our reception was like 15 miles away.

Details, people, details!

Anyway, for my birthday I asked Scott to book a golf day, where I could drive a golf cart.

I've never golfed before. EVER.

My roommate and Scott have each golfed a few times. None of us has clubs or any of the other required golf paraphernalia, so we went in early to get costumed.

I told the guy flat out we were all newbies and we needed everything. So he set us up with a golf cart and clubs. We were so shocked by the total at that point, we didn't notice something was missing until we got to the golf cart.

We didn't have balls.

So Scott goes back in and looks kind of green at the cost of the golf balls and I'm beginning to get that "bad idea" feeling.

Then we realize we don't have tees.

This time I go in and get tees, which the manager kindly gives me for free. I think he had the "bad idea" feeling himself.

So I'm tentative with the golf cart at first, but then find it as cool as I imagined. We drive to the first tee and while we wait for the foursome ahead of us, we talk to the ranger. He gives us a few pointers and we kind of smile. I ask him what we're aiming for. He points to a flag faaaar away. I think we BOTH get the "bad idea" feeling.

So it's finally time for us to tee up and I'm getting pointers while watching people behind us pile up. We all hit into different areas, and Scott can't even find his ball (tee hee, does golf terminology make you giggle, too?). We park the cart in the general direction of where we think the ball is and while he searches, I do my next, hits? Swings? I'm not sure. Let's say I was at 6 on a par 3 and I hadn't even met the green yet.

This is when the ranger came down. Did we know that we could bring our golf carts on to the green to aid in the search for Scott's wayward ball? We did not. In fact, we had given up at this point looking for his ball and were working on me getting to the green.

We looked behind us and saw more people following us. So we decided to skip this hole and go to hole 2.

I actually got it on the green and I gave a "woo hoo" which I was cautioned by my roommate was not acceptable golf behavior.

Then the manager came down, with the ranger right behind him. Yup, "bad idea" feeling rearing its ugly head.

The manager reminds us that we need to keep up with the group ahead of us on this course. We said we knew, that's why we skipped the hole.

He says "I'm not here to scold you, you did the right thing skipping the hole. I just wanted to offer you something, if you're open to it. We can refund your money and you guys can take the golf carts to the driving range. We'll give you free tokens to the driving range and you guys can hit balls there."

Through laughs I choked out a "thank you, that's a nice offer. We'll take it."

Then we had to drive the golf carts PAST the people lined up behind us and I truly think golf etiquette was the only thing keeping them from clapping and a rousing round of "na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, goodbye."

It's what I would have done.

You guys? That was the most shameful apology tour EVER. We just drove by and waved at all the foursomes behind us, who were all kind enough to wave back and not outwardly laugh at our incompetence.

We had a great time at the driving range, where it's OK to suck.

And they did indeed refund all of our money.

The funny thing? I would totally golf again. We picked a pro course, which was a huge mistake. My roommate suggests golfing as early in the morning as possible under cover of darkness. SOLD!

Have you ever been kicked out of a sporting event?


Clare Priest said...

I am also rubbish at golf. Once, while on holiday in Spain aged 16, I decided to commandeer the golf cart and drive my boyfriend round in it. Bad idea. I got so carried away I headed into the wooded area by mistake and, panicking, swerved into a tree.

Luckily we were able to limp the cart back to the clubhouse and parked it with the damaged side hidden from view and quickly made a run for it.

The most mortifying bit? Being told off by my boyfriend's father. I have never been able to live it down!

Sparkling said...

UGH I have so little interest in golf!! I can't believe you would try it again after that. THe pressure of keeping up and staying ahead and not losing you balls- all way too much.

gin said...

OMG this made me laugh out loud (the for real kind, not that fake LOL business). It so sounds like something I would have done and while my husband golfs, I would never in a million years dream of going with him! I do love a driving range though, disregarding the time I managed to swing the club and foot. Hurt like a son of a gun.
I love your posts. You have the uncanny ability to make me laugh, think and relate. How do you do it??

The Woven Moments said...

I now have iced tea on my keyboard. Thank you?

Amanda @ It's Blogworthy said...

Ok, gotta say golf is the most annoying thing in the world. I tried, too, but I totally gave up. I'm no good at it and that annoys me. But the golf carts? Freaking cool. There is a retirement home down here in central FL where you're encouraged to have a golf cart..can you imagine? Awesome.

Kristen said...

oh my gosh that is TOO funny! Sorry I'm not commenting lately, I'm still reading though! :)

Hungrigyrl said...

Hilarious! Love that you shared it with us. Golf is kind of boring. But I must say whacking at balls at the driving range is kind of fun. Definitely good to get stress out. I have never driven a cart either and can imagine that would be a blast!!

Rach (DonutsMama) said...

LOL! Poor you! It was awfully nice of them to refund your money, but I have a feeling they just wanted you all out of the way! At least you got to drive your golf cart. That is the main reason you went, right??

Anonymous said...

I am convinced that I am the world's worst golfer, but the best golf cart driver known to man. I think you got a sweet deal.

Mama Spaghetti said...

Hahaha! This was so hilarious. That's got to be one of the worst journeys of shame I've ever heard! Luckily, it sounds like I'm laughing with you, not at you!

Shell said...

OMG, this is hilarious!!!! I imagine if I tried to golf, this would happen to me.

I'm with you on the golf cart. I want to drive one. Actually, I want to own one. Preferably a pink one. B/c that is the hobby in my neighborhood- people drive around in golf carts. It's truly the most bizarre thing. And like kids drive them around. So, if my oldest was driving me crazy, I could let him drive around in a golf cart to get him out of the house. Even though he's 6.

Kristen @ Motherese said...

I've only been golfing once and I think we probably would have been kicked out if there had been anyone else on the course that day. Let's just say that after my performance, I think I'd better stick with mini-golf. (And I didn't even get to drive a golf cart - we had to walk the whole way!) :)

Mads said...

hahaha! Golf carts are so fun, but a bit dangerous.
My grandpa ran over my grandma with a golf cart on accident. She ended up breaking her leg!
I almost flipped a golf cart once, but we were also carting around a case of maybe we deserved it?