Celebrating Superlatives..

So, my good bluggy (that's blog buddy) Tenaciously Yours was crazy enough to tag me on this little questionnaire. I'm honored she chose me, and of course totally overwhelmed at having to somehow sum up my life in a few short responses. But here goes!



What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Laying by the ocean, eyes burning from the sun, toes covered with sand.

What is your greatest fear?

I am totally copying Tenaciously, but I constantly worry about failing.

Which figures do you most identify with?
This is a tough one. I was once compared to Cameron Diaz in There's Something About Mary. Not looks-wise, obviously. But in terms of being a guy's guy looking for a guy who sees her as a girl.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

My inability to enjoy the quiet. I can never just be alone with my thoughts, meditate, or truly relax.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Condescension. I think that’s the ultimate offense you can commit (other than, you know, murder and stuff).

What do you most value in your friends?

Loyalty.

What words or phrases do you most overuse?

No way! Totes. Oyyyy.

What is your favorite journey?

Back in the day when we drove from MN to Cape Cod, and we finally hit the bridge that joins Boston to the Cape.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

I’m totally stealing Tenaciously’s again (this is why she’s one of my faves, we’re like the same person sometimes). I don’t get the big deal about patience. If we all sat back and waited…life would just pass us all by. Boooooring.

What is your favorite occupation?

Writing.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?

I so want to be enlightened here and say that I love my stretch marks because my sweet baby girl caused them. But I don’t. I loathe them. I’m also not fond of my skin’s ability to break out at the WORST times. Still…at over 30 years old.

What is your greatest regret?

I wasted a lot of time in bad relationships, ones that gave me nothing back, and caused me to give more of myself than anyone deserved.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Scott, of course! Who gave me the other love of my life, my sweet baby girl.

Where and when were you happiest?

This summer bringing my baby girl to Cape Cod, where I had the happiest moments of my life growing up. Watching her play in my sand, swim in my ocean, giggle at my seagulls stealing food. Just an awesome experience. I sat back and thought “I created that.”

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My inability to take risks. I take calculated risks. But just about every action in my life is planned, and planned again, and then there’s a plan B.

What do you consider to be your greatest achievement?

Getting into the college I wanted early decision. And being a good mom. I’m a cheater, I’m doing 2.

What is your most treasured possession?

A ring that my cousin wore before she passed away. We share a birthday and it’s very precious to me.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Waiting in line, or waiting on hold.

Where would you like to live?

Puerto Rico or Mexico.

What is your most marked characteristic?

Physical I seem to be known for my smile. As a person, probably being earnest.

What is your greatest extravagance?

Right now, seeing a chiropractor.

What are the qualities you most like in a man?

Protection. Openness. Honesty.

Who are your favorite writers?

Elizabeth Berg, Jodi Picoult for current. And I will always go back to the Brontes for comfort.

How would you like to die?

In my sleep, regretting nothing.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?

I’ve always loved Holden Caulfield, I can’t help it.

Who are your heroes in real life?

My mom, for teaching me how to be an awesome mom without either of us knowing it. My grandmother for teaching me a love of words and writing. My dad for teaching me that gender roles were made to be broken. My husband for helping me continue to break them, and for showing me what real love and acceptance is.

What is your motto?

“It’s my lot in life…it’s not a lot, but it’s my life.”



I’m going to cheat and tag everyone and anyone.

But in the meantime, please visit Tenaciously Yours and a few of my other favorites, including:

Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva talks about a world full of "azul"s.

Ivy League Insecurities examines what loving your life means.

Small Town Mommy discusses having to go gluten and dairy free for her daughter. Very honest piece about life changes.

It's Blogworthy openly discusses reflecting on what her blog means, and how to make it more.

As always, I love so many bloggers. These are just a few posts recently that have moved me to think, laugh, or cry.

Everything I learned about love, I learned from Lifetime TV Movies

I love Lifetime movies. My love started with TV movies on the regular channels back in the day, specifically the competing ones that came out over Amy Fisher, the Long Island Lolita! Hooked!

To this day, if I see one with the name of any former 90210 or Melrose Place actor, I will watch it, no matter how crappy the storyline. In fact, the crappier the better!

So on this Valentine’s Day, I submit to you the invaluable love lessons I have learned from Lifetime TV Movies.

1. If your boyfriend or husband ever utters anything about a “secret mission” he is not a cop or secret agent or military personnel. He is a rapist or murderer. Or he has another family. Those aren’t mutually exclusive.
2. If you are seen putting on eye cream or skin cream at night and poking at the invisible wrinkles in your face, your husband will soon be cheating on you, if he’s not already. [This one goes out to the woman at Sephora who was kind enough to ignore my slight teariness when she recommended I purchase eye cream]
3. If you are cheated on, don’t look at it as a bad thing, though. It will show you the holes in your relationship, which you will of course wish to repair when your husband realizes the chick he was banging on the side is as batcrap crazy as you are. And requires more maintenance.
4. Do not accept a death certificate until you’ve seen a corpse. Seriously, do you know how easy it is to fake your own death? Until you see the body, you are to assume your spouse is not at all dead, but in fact has drained your bank account and moved across the country to become some sort of local politician, meaning someday years later you will see his picture in the paper, recognize his lying face as the one you thought you buried, and go on a rampage.
5. If you know someone who used to be ugly and is now pretty as a result of an accident that required plastic surgery, run away from that person. She is out for revenge. You will get in the way. The results will be unpleasant.
6. The same goes for anyone who lost family in an accident, or believes you caused their beloved brother’s death (it’s almost always a brother or a daddy). Trust no one. Enter witness protection if you can.

 Your turn! What have you learned from TV movies? How are you spending Valentine’s Day?

I Had a Dream...

I had a dream...

I dreamt that traveling for work would mean the only thing I would be picking up after work would be a laptop and a bottle of wine. I dreamt of watching some Netflix, sipping a glass of wine, putting my feet up on a pillow in my own bed, a bed I don't share with a husband and dog, and occasionally a baby.

I dreamt I would go to bed early, without interruption from said husband, dog, or baby. I would sleep through a night.

In the morning? The only person I would have to get ready is me. No wrestling with pigtails, no making sure the husband has clean work shirts, no getting the dog outside.

The reality? 12 hours of meetings, followed by four hours of huge dinners with copious amounts of wine and waits for tables, followed by arriving at the hotel at 11, nearing tears trying to take the heels off that had now suctioned to the blisters on my feet.

Then...well, then I got to spend two hours doing work I had to neglect during the 12 hours of meetings.

Meaning, I went to bed near 1 a.m. and then got up at 6 a.m. to start it all over again. 12 hours of meetings. Hours of dinner. More work. Getting up early. Painful feet.

So I came home to my husband, dog, and baby for relaxation and sleep.

Instead of a feather bed, I sunk into my own pillow-top mattress, covered with dog hair and baby drool. I washed work shirts for my husband. Cleaned out the stuffy nose of my baby. Brushed the puppy...

And was grateful I am not often away from this kind of chaos.

Wiener Watch 2011

As I pull into the dog park, the Park Service truck pulls up next to me.

I’ve mentioned before, I am irrationally afraid of authority figures considering I'm about as straight-laced as they come. I’m not sure that Park Service is really an authority, per se. More like a taxpayer with a plow. But, still…

So the guy has me roll down my window and then says: “we’ve had reports of a loose wiener dog. Could you call 911 if you see him?”

I can’t help it, I burst out laughing. Partly in relief that I am not in trouble and having to visit Diabla and her crew.

But also?

These aren’t the wieners I am usually warned about in public parks.

My Bad Insurance Should Get Me SOMETHING, RIGHT?

Recently, Wee ‘Burb has taken to emptying my purse. I thought stealing mom’s credit card and keys was a teenage thing, but apparently not.

She especially loves to take the credit cards out of their slots. I allow this because it keeps her quiet for 12 seconds. These days that’s a precious gift.

So, a friend of mine and I signed up for a candlelight yoga session as part of our 2011 goal of taking some different gym classes. I grab my cell phone case and toss in my debit card and license.

After a wonderful hour-long session of yoga, we both agree we could use some wine. We have a favorite wine. It’s cheap and light. Perfect to accompany some languid watching of Scared Straight and Celebrity Rehab.

I pay the nice lady for the wine and we head home.

Later that night I am putting my cards back in order when my blood goes cold. The card I have pulled out of my cell phone case? The one I used at a LIQUOR STORE to purchase WINE?

Is my health savings account card.

Do you think I can make a case to the good people at my insurance company that the wine was medicinal?

Meet The Girl Next Door...

Hey, guys! I'm guest blogging over at The Girl Next Door today, and sharing my recipe for a noodle-less lasagna. Her blog is firmly planted in an elite status in my Favorites: Daily Read. I’m honored to be associated with her any day…especially because she’s a fellow Minnesotan! Us bloggers here in the frozen tundra must stick together…at least to keep warm.

Check out my post here!

NaNaNaNaNaNa...BATMAN!

Long-time readers know Lola, she has guest posted for me a few times. 

Lola, as you may know, does not really live in suburbia. And yet seems to have run-ins with wildlife that are weirder than in actual suburbia. This one takes place on her DOORSTEP! Like her actual apartment doorstep.
Our e-mail conversation went like this:
Lola: I think I have a bat by my door.

Stephanie: What? Really??

Lola: Yes! I thought it was a dead mouse at first, but upon closer inspection, it's got leathery appendages. I think it's hiding from the cold.

Stephanie: Which door?!

Lola: That would be my apartment door. Well, it's in the corner BY the door. In the hallway. So it's not really in my apartment, just kind of hanging out in the hall...I hope it doesn't get vacuumed up by the caretaker!

Stephanie: Duuude, that's scary!!

Lola: Why? I wonder what it eats...do all bats eat fruit?

Stephanie: No just fruit bats. Now I feel kind of sad for the poor disease-ridden thing!

Lola: I know!! How will it get out? Of course I don't want to toss it out in this weather. I'll just leave it there and maybe it'll fly off...

Stephanie: But then it will...fly and give some old bird a heart attack [by this I mean old lady...Lola lives in a condo building crammed with old ladies]

Lola: Well, what do you want me to do?!

Stephanie: Hide! Run! Call for help! Just don't get rabies!

Lola: [ignoring my rabies comment totally] I just wonder how the hell it got in! Probably through the attic.

Stephanie: It defies nature. Pls take a pic for the blog

Lola: What if the flash upsets it and gets tangled up in my hair? Who'll be taking THAT picture?!

Stephanie: The coroner?

Lola: Hee, exactly. I'm not sure I'm ready to sacrifice myself for the sake of your blog.

Stephanie: Some friend you are!

Lola: Hey, I showed you my turkey! That sounded odd...

Stephanie: Now that I may use in my blog.

An hour later I get this from Lola:

Risking my life, I took a daring snippet of the dang bat. So please meet Bella, the batty bat. It's not very sharp but trust me, it's a fuzzy bat sleeping on its folded wings.

Happy dreams!

Postscript: Lola finally did call the caretaker. He called her back and told her there was nothing there and made it sounds like she should perchance upgrade her meds. She knows she wasn't crazy because a) she has this picture and b) her neighbor called and left her a voice mail saying she had something by her door...although, he IS an alchy.