New Years Revelations

I’m not much for New Years Resolutions. In my slightly more than 30 years, I’ve done more than my share of resolutions. Usually they are an epic fail. Why set yourself up? Even my masochism knows some bounds!

I’ve made a few goals in the last few years. Usually they revolve around simple things like take more pictures, eat more vegetarian meals, etc. Nothing earth-shattering like lose 100 pounds or read 100 books or something.

If you have been following my blog, you know when I plan a timeframe and an outcome, I’m generally not successful. Exhibit A: any walking/workout plan I have done EVER.

I was surfing around for some prompts after deciding I couldn’t write any more complaint blogs this week. When I saw this prompt , at first I dismissed it as a resolution prompt. But I kept coming back to it because I was having a major case of writer’s block and because I was thinking about it a lot.
December 11 – 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson)

The good news is, I couldn’t even come up with 11 things! Or at least 11 things I felt worthy of including in this blog. I mean, I could do without fleas or lice or more boxelder bugs or crazy neighbors.

But I thought now (versus when the prompt was released on the 11th) was as good a time as any to go ahead and release these…not resolutions, not goals, maybe just hopes and things I am attempting to do. With a few revelations thrown in. Yes, those terms give me a decent out should I epically fail again.

So here are some things I can do without in 2011:

1. Comcast: once my year-long deal ends with them, so does my relationship with cable. Not only will it save us money, but I think it will encourage us to be more choosy in what we watch and how much time we spend watching it. Maybe I’ll read a book or two.

2. Constant Background Noise: This goes with the release of cable. Back when we were living together before we were married, Scott and I tried to have a quiet night each week. One without TV or radio or anything, just us reading a book or a magazine, curled up together on the couch. Scott constantly fights for this now, and I am just ambivalent. I edit for a living, so reading sometimes is as taxing as work. I also have a tendency to get deep into a book, to the point where I don’t sleep until I finish it. I am a fast reader, but it’s meant many a late night trying to get to the last chapters when I should be sleeping. It’s much easier to turn off the TV in the middle of a Simpsons rerun than it is at the climax of a good juicy novel. But it’s important to turn the noise off sometimes, I know, and this is something I am dedicating myself to, even if it means a night of writing instead of reading.

3. Customer Service Complaints and Appeals: I’ve got to accept customer service doesn’t exist. I have to start choosing my battles. Calling insurance and telling them their billing is unfair is not worth it. Continuing to blanket Comcast with complaints and my disgust is not worth it. It feels good in the moment, but ultimately takes time and rage I can no longer afford.

4. Solitude in Motherhood: I have to continue to reach out to the moms I already know, and try to continue to find moms in my community. Wee ‘Burb is in such a crazy time of change, I need that support to get through her becoming a toddler and person.

5. Letting Myself Go: I have been appalled recently that when it was time to go out, I didn’t have anything nice to wear. Somehow I had become unaware that nothing fits right because I’ve been living in sweats. And this isn’t even a “how did I get so fat” post because honestly, I’ve been losing weight. I’ve been focusing on it, it isn’t happening magically (as much as I wish that to be). But somehow it never occurred to me that since I lost over 30 pounds since this time last year, perhaps I shouldn’t try to wear last year’s outfits? I’ve simply got to invest some money in myself and my appearance. To this end, I did get a nice Sephora gift card for Christmas. If you have any suggestions, speak now or forever hold your awesome glowy skin a secret.

6. Skipping Date Nights: So many weekends, Scott and I will say we should go here or there. We never make final plans because of his insane work schedule. So when it comes to a free day, I always figure he would rather sit at home with some beer and catch up on Tivo. And confession: so would I! Him being at work means I am home with Wee ‘Burb, or out doing 150 things at once so Wee ‘Burb and I aren’t bored at home. To avoid the avoidance this year, I’ve created a Christmas present that will ensure a bunch of date nights: The 12 Dates of Christmas! I went through and picked out 10 places that we have been forever talking about, and then kept two open for us to choose if a new place opens up or if we just have an alternate hankering. While it’s sad that we need this prescribed date time, I think it will be a really good game changer for us. And will make #5 even more important! I can’t go on date night as dumpy wife.

So again, I could only come up with 6. I’m going to count that as a good thing.


What things can YOU do without in 2011? Do you make resolutions? If you do, do you stick to them?

Are YOU Happier Than You Think You Are?

I found this article on the 9 signs you’re happier than you think really interesting. Sometimes life gets so busy, we don’t think about if we’re really happy or not. Or, maybe more accurately, how happy we are. I know I’m happy to have my husband, baby, family…even my crazy puppy! I am blessed to have a house and a job. But those things take up so many mundane minutes of your life, you don’t think about it. Hmmm…I’m really happy.


Anyway, the signs that you’re happier than you think are:

1. You were a smiley student

2. You have a sister

3. You’re not glued to the TV

4. You keep souvenirs on display

5. You make exercise a priority

6. You have a healthy love life

7. You hang out with happy people

8. You stay warm with hot cocoa

9. You have two best friends

For me some are better than others. I don’t have a sister, but I do have people in my life who have taken that role. I definitely watch too much TV. But I have a few best friends in my life who have been there through thick and thin, and my mantle is full of souvenirs, including these guys (wax animals I got at the zoo on an early date with Scott).

The one that made me stop and think was #7. This is something that has drastically changed in my 30s. In my 20s, I desperately wanted to fit in. I didn’t really find my place in high school after switching schools halfway through. I was a guppie in a huge pond in college. I found my friends and I had people who loved me, but I was always desperate for attention.

My first job in my 20s happened to have a host of new graduates like myself. There was a group of maybe 5 or 6 of us, and they were the “cool girls.” They had a line on all the cool places, all the new drinks, wore only the best clothes. And for once, they liked me. I wasn’t outside looking in, I was part of them. Or trying to be.

To me, it was like something out of a sitcom or a book…I was a young single girl about town! And I got very caught up in it. I never thought if I liked the girls. They liked me, or seemed to, so I bought into the group mentality.

About a year in, two things happened. The first was that we started to splinter within the clique. There was one girl in particular that the other girls would tell me was too full of drama. My intense fear of being the one they talked about next led me to oust her just as quickly as the others.

Then 9/11 came and a few of my friends’ jobs were threatened by the economic downturn. They began talking about our company as a sinking ship and sought to drag me down with their rhetoric.

I didn’t think I paid it any mind, but eventually I noticed I was less happy at work, that I started looking for holes in the sinking ship. And eventually I moved on. It wasn’t a bad career move, but it was definitely motivated by some of the wrong things.

I’m embarrassed to say my desire to be liked continued, and maybe even got worse, after I returned to my childhood town in my mid-20s. I met a girl who I thought was really cool. She just seemed to have a personality, something I just still didn’t feel I had. I just wasn’t sure there was anything discernible about me. But there was about this girl and when she reached out to me as a friend, I jumped at the chance.

I have a confession. When I meet someone I admire, or want to be friends with, I get total verbal diarrhea. I don’t know why I do this. I just start telling my life story without thinking. And it’s obvious that I want someone to lead me. I tend to imprint like a baby duck on a mommy duck…or a random monkey, whoever will lead me.

From day 1 she was very negative about dating and work. I followed her advice to the letter like a good little duckie, and looking back I sabotaged myself in both areas. She filled me with distrust and dislike for other people, and I never saw it coming because she embraced me at a time when I really needed new friends who liked me for whoever I thought I was becoming. Now, of course I was responsible for my own actions. But I let her lead me down a road of such self-protection that I faced the world with my arms crossed. Her approval was emotional currency for me, and I was getting rich!

In fact, before our friendship took an abrupt turn, I had met Scott and he later told me that he felt I was not at all interested in him. The truth was, of course, that I was! I liked him a lot, and I saw him as great long-term potential (hey, I was self-conscious, not stupid!). But I had studied Negative Nelly and learned not to tip my hand that way so early on. So I went in thinking I was aloof when in fact I was frosty.

Fortunately for me, our friendship ended shortly after that when I expressed my feelings about a topic she was not at all interested in hearing about…basically, her negativity about relationships and how she approached them. I hadn’t really let go of a close friendship like that before, and I realized how important it was to actually cast people out my life. I tried very hard to keep the relationship and I was rebuffed repeatedly, until I realized how much work I was putting in to a friendship that really hadn’t done anything for me except make me view the world as a rebel force out to get me.

Since that time, I have been very careful to surround myself with happy people. Now, I don’t run around with a bunch of Suzy Sunshines, don’t get me wrong. We have real lives, and so real feelings. But they are people who mostly view the good in life, and in people. And when they face the world, they do so with arms wide open.

So, are you happier than you think you are? Do you agree with this list?