Five Bucks and Five Minutes

Are you guys sick of me constantly quoting and referencing Kat from Tenaciously Yours? I just find her writing so relatable and her blog is as welcome to me as my glass of wine at the end of the day. One of my favorite recent posts has her going on a dive bar date with her new husband. So if you aren't reading her by now...what's WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??? At least enjoy her guest post and give her some love.

When Stephanie was looking for guest posters, I was like...obviously. So here goes, kittens. Get ready to hang on for the ride.

I'm a die-hard shopaholic, fashionista and wine bar-lover. But I like to keep a busy schedule so,  nine times out of ten you'll find me running around the cities like a chicken with my head cut-off. Or you might just find me running. The realities of a 24-hour day aside, I'm definitely the girl who believes that little luxuries can make the biggest difference.

There's something to be said about otherwise mundane things that can make you feel happy. Pretty. Worth it. Things that take less than 15 minutes. But just long enough that you have to set it aside for yourself.

I'm also That Person who is totally guilty of saving things for A Special Occasion, and then never finding an occasion quite special enough. So little luxuries save me from stockpiling.

1. Red lipstick.

This, is most assuredly a luxury that doesn't lend itself well to over-thinking. Red is BOLD. For those who keep their eye color and skin tone in-mind when selecting an appropriate color palette for clothing and make-up, it can be overwhelming.

My advice? Next time you're at Target, just grab a tube. You're going to want to think about the situation. Keep it rational. But do yourself a favor, and don't do that. Because thoughtfulness is what has kept you from bringing that tube of lipstick home before today.

And yes, it's okay to choose the brand/color of red that's on sale (you bet your Birkin that's what I did). Ease into the situation.

2. A DIY mani-pedi.

I have a sneaking suspicion that half of the people who read this today will look down at their hands and realize that no, they haven't painted their nails in the last two weeks. Me too.

Even when I know I finally have enough time to make it happen, I find something else more Useful and more Productive to fill that space with.

But there's a certain amount of catharsis that comes with looking down at your mitts and seeing color instead of chips. A glossy shimmer instead of a hangnail.

If you're the type of person that does a basecoat and a topcoat, dispense with both of them. This is about a quick fix so that you're not That Friend at happy hour.

3. A new magazine.

Yes, this means that you have to read it when it hits the newsstands instead of in the month/week it claims it's published for. You get bonus points if it doesn't contain any recipes. Because as much as I love a good cooking magazine a la Cooking Light or bon appetit, they mean Work. Which is exactly the opposite of what we're trying to accomplish.

4. A mug of tea.

If you're the kind of person that owns an espresso machine with a milk frother, then please feel free to disregard the following message. For the rest of the group, we continue.

Because it's time to spring for that box of tea that costs $5 at the store instead of $3. The kind with the nice paper wrappers that you would never, ever consider buying for yourself but you would be more than happy to offer-up to guests. The kind of tea that feels like an escape instead of a chore (let me tell you, Green Tea is ALWAYS a chore for this lady).

5. Fancy sweets.

I was just going to call this one Ridiculously Expensive Dark Chocolate. But then it occurred to me that some of you might be into salted caramels...or something like that.

If all else fails (since I tried to keep the other four options calorie-free), we turn to the pantry. Not because we're feeling emotional, but because delightful things come from That Place. So break out that treat that someone else gave you as a hostess gift. Because it has a shiny wrapper, and a lovely provenance.

Before you eat it, put it on a saucer. And get out a cocktail napkin. Because this is 90% experience and 10% reality.

What is your little luxury of choice?

Period Polish and Other Inspirations

So, some of you may recall mine and Lola's obsession with naming nail polish.  To say our picks were slightly out there is like saying Jennifer Anniston has slightly bad luck with men.

But nothing I could come up with would be nearly as sick as this.

According to their web site, STRANGEBEAUTIFUL creator Jane Schub took "inspirations (sic) and references range from the vampiric gradations of a healing bruise; the moody rusts of menstrual blood; sooty, phantasmal India ink; the profile of a gray blue Heron scooping fish against a background of gooey river runoff and the apocalyptic color palette of Medieval Flemish paintings. Visceral and private, each shade cloaks the finger in an aqueous film of color for an effect that is strange, beautiful, and impossible to forget."

Yes, you read that right. Menstrual blood. Because one wishes to be reminded of that time of the month on date night. Oh, and in case you were wondering, it's a specific day of that time of the month. The polish is reportedly called Menstrual Last Day.

Lola's and my animal noises are looking a might normal now, eh?

What's the weirdest marketing you've heard recently? Would you wear something with the word Menstruation in it on your nails? Or anywhere other than the obvious parts?

Guest Post: Lola Putting the “Cure” in Manicure

You guys, Lola is leaving me for the Motherland this weekend. She'll be gone for two weeks. We chat daily...hourly, in fact. Minutely, mostly. And here you'll see what exactly it is we chat about. I promised her we'll start a fund for her bail if for any reason she's detained in Russia and not allowed back.

 I don’t know if many of you know this, but Stephanie and I love to waste company time. Really, slacking off is never quite so much fun at home, when you’re at your leisure and free to wallow in your own crapulence – i.e., check Facebook, catch up on your favorite blogs, visit stupid sites and Google random things. Personally, I always feel like I’m wasting precious time – I could be vacuuming! And hey, the car needs a wash.

But at work, things are different. You’re not going anywhere, not for the next 8 hours anyway, so you might as well make the most of it. I think this is how people who were stupid and/or lazy enough to go into crime end up getting law degrees and writing best-selling books while in prison. Back on the outside, there are convenience stores to rob! But here, it’s just you and the bunk! So why not attend Harvard Law by correspondence? The prison return address alone makes your admission essay a shoo-in.

So on a lazy Thursday in prison…I mean the office, Stephanie and I got to talking. Strictly girl talking – nail polish, to be exact. And we both love and adore OPI, not least of all because of their colorful (no pun intended) shade names.

We took a stab at coming up with some potential ones, which this is where we discovered that we may have a great career ahead of us in marketing. And so, I bring you The 10 Greatest Nail Polish Names OPI Will Never Go For. (Just so you know, these are mainly on the subject of animal noises – Wee ‘Burb has been rebelliously learning them in French to annoy her mother. But hey, that’s a whole separate blog topic.) So here we go:

#10. “Pre-MOO-nition pink”
#9. “RIBBIT-tickling red”
#8. “WOOF-it-down grey”
#7. “Can I BAA-row a Feeling white” (Kirk Van Houten, you’re our homeboy)
#6. “You bel-OINK to me blue”

#5. Then, an obligatory PSA: “NEIGH-borhood watch black”

#4. While we’re on the subject of horses: “after-NEIGH-n delight”

#3. A big of magic: “Occult-it like I see it lavender”

#2. “MEOW, that's lovely pink”

#1. And, the ultimate, the Numero Uno (drum roll please): Growl-and-Eat-Humans Green (bears). Stephanie, I can’t take the credit for that one, it was all yours!

Any other gems we’re missing? (P.S. if any OPI execs are reading this, my resume and portfolio of other brilliant ideas are available upon request. Lola loves OPI, y’all!)

Why do Moms Matter? One Word: Mascara

When I was going into middle school, we moved from Minnesota to Tucson, Arizona. I wasn't all that broken up about the move. I wasn't overly popular, I was constantly teased, or sometimes worse, ignored. While I had a core group of friends I would miss, I was a little more focused on how I could be DIFFERENT. Plus this was around the time of 90210 (Lord, I'm dating myself here) and they moved from Minnesota to Beverly Hills, so it was almost the same (actually it kind of was because the area we moved to was quite well to do).

Like one of those 80s transformation movies, I cut my hair and got contacts. I had my braces off a few years before, but the picture was...well, an improvement.

I was fortunate to be taken under the wing of a sweet girl named Tracy who then introduced me to her friends and within a few months I had a GROUP of friends. A real group of girls who went to boy/girl parties and had sleepovers and went to the mall to hang out.

One such boy/girl party had me the subject of much scrutiny with this group of friends. See, they almost all wore makeup and were slightly distressed that I didn't. I honestly hadn't really brought this subject up with my mother, so I didn't know where she stood on makeup. I had a general idea it wasn't going to be a hit. Sure, I'd stolen a few red or coral lipsticks discarded from her freebies at the mall makeup counter (sorry, Mom), but I'd never actually SEEN her put on makeup, nor did I have a clue what it involved.

That night I acquiesced to my group of friends and found out it involved A LOT! Like three people and a lot of blotting and closing my eyes and fearing for my contacts and the inevitable mascara wand stabbing that would occur.

But the result when all the fuss was over? I felt beautiful. I felt AMAZING. I felt a part of things, finally in these girls' league. Like Cinderella watching the clock on the wall dreading midnight, I dreaded the next day when I had to go back to ME. The me without the glass slipper of foundation and eyeshadow.

So I was in the car the next morning with my mom and I casually broached the subject. These girls had allowed me into their group, had experimented on me, and the boys that came over were quite responsive (I'm sure I downplayed that part).

My mom shocked me and said "if you want to wear makeup, you have to do it right."

WHAT? If I want to wear makeup? As if...had I had that choice the whole time?

My mom made an executive decision and got us an appointment at Merle Norman. I don't know if those even exist anymore. It certainly wasn't your average MAC or Sephora counter. It was definitely geared toward a...more mature crowd. But to me it was like the Disney World of hotness. This.Would.Change.My.LIFE! Of this I was sure.

And you know what? It kind of did. The woman showed me how to blend makeup to make sure there were no makeup lines (something I thank her for to this day when I see chicks with a huge orange ring around their face), how to apply mascara properly, and how to care for my brushes and skin.

You guys? Going home with that little bag of makeup was one of the happiest days of my life. I still look back on it as part of that overall transformation to a place where my ethnicity wasn't scrutinized, where people could actually pronounce my Puerto Rican last name, and where I felt beautiful.

And I still think this may have been one of the most beautiful gifts my mother has ever given me. So on this her birthday, I want to thank her for the gift of confidence and belonging that had long been missing in my life. There were so many other ways that day could have gone, but she looked into my eyes and realized what this meant to me and did what only the best mothers do: whatever it took to make her daughter happy.

I will carry this with me when my daughter comes to me with a similar plea...you know, in 20 years.

The Book of Revelations: Suburban Edition

So, a lot of you professed on your blogs and in person to me that you were absolutely, positively not doing resolutions. But, like me, you had some goals. How are those going for you?

What I decided to do was make sort of a small monthly goal list for myself. These would be (in theory) attainable goals that would ultimately lead to some lifestyle change that would contribute to my overall New Years Revelations.


I will say, despite my funk, January has gone really well for me in terms of my motivation. Here were my goals:

1. One quiet night a week. With the exception of the 1st week in January, done! Every week we spent at least one night unplugged and reading. One night we even played a rousing game of Scrabble. Grade: B+

2. Take a multi-vitamin every day. This is something I neglected after having Wee ‘Burb. I realize now that it’s not just about folic acid when you’re pregnant or trying to get pregnant, the vitamins kept my skin in check and, I believe, kept me relatively healthy while others were going down with the stomach flu and bad colds. And now because the universe is a great big ole bizzo, I will probably come down with the plague. Grade: B (I still forget to take it at least once or twice a week)

3. Invest in makeup.  Oh did I invest. I had some major buyer’s remorse after a very expensive trip to Sephora. But then two days later, my new boss asked me to fly out for a few meetings. I haven’t faced work people since June, so I was a little freaked out. But happy I had invested in makeup that made me feel more confident. Grade: A+

4. Invest in clothes that fit. I purchased a pair of $80 jeans, you guys! I can’t even explain how big that is for me. I never spend more than $30 on anything. Shoes, clothes, especially jeans. Because I can get them at JC Penney for that, people! To spend $80 at Nordstrom…well I thought it was nuts. Until I realized how quickly my cheap jeans stretched, how often I was replacing them. And I invested in a pair of jeans that look AWESOME! The confidence I feel going out in those are worth every penny. Plus I found a similar pair in a different color for $30 on eBay. So that’s like…saving $30, right? Call it girl math. Grade: A++ (seriously, this was a big girl step for me)

5. Try one new workout class. The local community center offers free lunchtime classes, so I have been attending the Rock Your Core class. Um, ow! I am amazed at what I can accomplish in 20 minutes. And it’s good for me to get out, even if so far I am the youngest one in the class by about 10 years. Also I attended a Candlelight Yoga class, which I had to pay for, but was totally worth it. Grade: A

Goals for February:

1. Make up a meal plan every Sunday night.


2. One vegetarian meal a week (can include fish)


3. One new cookbook recipe


4. Declutter bathroom closet


5. Try one new workout class or video

Did you make goals for your year, or smaller attainable short-term goals? How are they going?

Funky Friday and a Comfort Food Recipe

Have you ever just been in a funk? It starts small, then builds and builds and builds to the point that when something big does come your way, you are just too exhausted, too emotionally spent, to deal with it as effectively as you know you should?

I recently read an article that said January 17th is usually the saddest day of the year, because it’s about then that resolutions fall off and you realize (I am paraphrasing here) that this year is going about as well as the last, which is to say not that well.

For me, it started small. Scott had been telling me all year that he had heard people can get addicted to chapstick with petroleum jelly. He would always stare pointedly at the new 3-pack of cherry chapstick I had just purchased.

So I figured I would give something else a try. When I was at Trader Joes, I picked up their all-natural chapstick, no jelly.

Two days later, I broke out all over my chin. And my lips were cracking, and a cold sore was starting. I was HORRIFIED! We’re talking puberty break-out here, not just a pimple here or there. My entire face was COVERED. And if you guys ever suffered this as a youngster, it’s painful. You can feel them crawling out of your skin, and as much as you know you need to keep your hands off them, you’re just constantly touching your face. Are they still there? Are they gone yet?

This is, by far, the worst breakout I have had in probably 15 years. I had horrible skin when I was a teenager, I was constantly in the dermatologist’s office. I thought, years later, I had really gotten control over this demon. To have it come back like this, this insidious little disease, was (as vain and lame as it sounds) devastating.

I’m not proud of my reaction. My 12-year-old self came crawling out of the cocoon and promptly forced me to hide. I didn’t want to go out, didn’t want to see people.
That same week I stepped on the scale. And somehow I had gained 3 pounds. No big deal, right? Well, add that to the 5 I gained over the holidays and I was beyond behind my goal. I have a wedding to be in at the end of March and I am just devastated to get this behind with so little time left to go.

Now, what I should do? I should focus on losing what I can. Still trying to get those 10 pounds off so that I can still fit into my dress. Will I look as good as what I wanted? Of course not. But, at least I would be on my way to that goal. I should just set a new goal, right?

What did I do instead?

I skipped my gym classes, and didn’t work out at home because I was just so depressed.

This combined with big changes at work (all good in the long run, but any change is scary, especially when it’s not initiated by you), financial concerns (again, nothing major, just some things that may change future plans), and an upcoming daycare vacation that requires me to try to line up back-up care for Wee ‘Burb…well, I didn’t handle any of those well.

It just left me unable to focus, and unable to pinpoint what it is that has got me so down. I truly think it’s just a funk, bordering on a little seasonal affective disorder trying to live in 10 below temperatures and feet of snow for weeks on end.

I am happy to say I am pulling out of it. I am tracking my food, working out religiously, working on fixing my skin, having fun with my new makeup, and working out a new budget.

To that end, here is my favorite low-fat comfort food recipe for turkey chili, which I have been obsessively making every week for the last month. Every time I make this, people are SHOCKED that it’s not beef. I used a Weight Watchers recipe as a basis and added more turkey and twice as much beans as the recipe calls for.

What do you do to get out of a funk? Do you have a go-to comfort food recipe?

Turkey Chili

1 spray(s) cooking spray
1 tsp canola oil
1 large onion(s), chopped
2 clove(s) (medium) garlic clove(s), minced
1 pound(s) Turkey
2 medium carrot(s), thinly sliced into rounds
2 Tbsp chili powder
1 Tbsp paprika
1 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
1 tsp ground cumin
2 medium tomato(es), chopped or 1 can diced tomatoes (drained)
1 cup(s) canned tomato sauce
1 cup(s) chicken broth (check out my recipe for chicken stock here)
1 1/2 Tbsp apple cider vinegar
2 cans kidney beans, rinsed and drained
1 medium green pepper(s), chopped
1/2 tsp table salt, or to taste **
1/8 tsp black pepper, or to taste **
** I use adobo instead of salt and pepper for depth of flavor.

Coat a large pot with cooking spray; place over medium heat.

Add oil and onion; sauté onion until soft, about 5 to 7 minutes.

Add garlic and carrots; cook until garlic is softened, about 1 minute.

Add turkey; brown meat, breaking it up with a wooden spoon as it cooks, about 5 minutes. Stir to break up lumps.

Add chili powder, paprika, red pepper flakes, cumin, tomatoes, tomato sauce, broth, vinegar, beans and green pepper; bring mixture to a boil.

Cover, reduce heat and simmer until meat and vegetables are tender, about 30 to 45 minutes.

Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Things I Love Thursday: Mint Julep

No, not to drink, sillies. Well, actually, maybe I would, can't say as I ever have had a mint julep, but when I was pregnant and watching Mad Men, all the preggos were drinking them and they looked lovely and refreshing. Oh, to have lived in the '60s. But I digress.

You all know by now that my hygiene has suffered a tad since working at home. However, I am very meticulous about my skin. I’ve had, let’s say, “problem skin” since I was 13. I practically lived in the Dermatologist’s office.

I’ve tried a bunch of masques, both homemade and over-the-counter. But I came across this gem randomly in a drugstore. I have to say I’ve never really paid much attention to Queen Helene. Typically I see her stuff in the Ethnic Haircare aisle. My Irish side hit me hard with the hair. It’s straight as a board. So I’ve never needed that particular aisle.

I had no idea Queen Helene had broken into skincare, and I am glad I saw this Mint Julep Masque peeking out at me from all the other expensive creams and spot treatments and whatnot. According to the Web site:

“Mint Julep Masque is the original natural home treatment to help dry up pimples, rinse away blackheads and shrink enlarged pores. Simply apply Mint Julep Masque to your clean face and neck. As it firms and hardens within minutes, it draws out impurities from your pores. After the masque is removed, your skin will feel clean, refreshed and smooth. Even for individuals who are fortunate to be free of skin problems, Mint Julep Masque is a refreshing facial treatment that helps relax tired muscles and ease tension lines on the face and neck.”

I have no arguments with any of this. It’s one of the few masques I can use without making my skin feel dry, tight and flaky. I can’t say for sure the pores are shrinking because I’ve not used one of those magnified mirrors since high school, I don’t need that kind of daily view of disfigurement. However, I do notice my makeup goes on better after I use the masque, so there must be something to the claim.

What Queen Helene’s site is, apparently, too modest to say is that this Mint Julep smells AWESOME! I use it twice a week and I look forward to each application. As far as I can tell, there are no ingredients in there that would make sensitive skin go bananas and while it hasn't cured me forever, it has certainly helped some problem areas.

What skin products do you swear by? Have you been surprised by an odd brand before? And if you try this, let me know what you think!

Things I Love Thursday: Lasting Lashes

Every time I walk into a makeup store like Sephora, I have this fantasy that I will somehow come out looking completely different…gone will be the under-eye circles and red skin! Nobody will know I ever had a zit in my life and my skin will be as dewy as my baby’s. It’s a fantasy born of FAR too many chick flicks where the girl is magically transformed by contacts, a pair of tweezers, and a curling iron. I want to believe what I see in magazines, despite knowing it’s airbrushed and it’s fairly unlikely Jennifer Lopez wears Cover Girl, like EVER.

I let the makeup artist work their magic, and I sit eagerly awaiting the mirror that will show me MY BEST SELF…that girl who looks like she slept on satin sheets instead of a bed-in-a-bag with dog hair. I’ll look like I get 20 hours of sleep instead of 2! And the results always are…not bad. You know, an improvement, but not the glamorous transition of my dreams.

But I do always leave Sephora feeling renewed somehow. Yes, I spent a small country’s GNP on makeup I didn’t really NEED, but for a few moments when I leave, I feel more put together.

Lately, I’ve been feeling dumpy. Just super “I’m a mom who let herself go.” It doesn’t help that I work at home, either. Hygiene went out the window long before I ever even got pregnant. Usually, I cure this with new makeup. Only now things are different. We’ve been hit by the crappy economy just like everyone else, and I have to do my makeup shopping in a drugstore.

What a different experience! It’s hard to hope for glamour when you’re throwing your makeup on top of a bag of lettuce and toilet paper at Target. And forget trying the makeup out! Of the very few items that actually have testers, the application experience is much less fantasy, much more fear. I’ve yet to see one of the testers that doesn’t make me want a Tetanus shot. Note to drugstores: if you’re going to put testers out, take just a little time to consider sanitation.

On the other hand, if you don’t use the tester, you risk going home and applying some newfangled foundation that turns your skin bright orange or eyeshadow that goes all frosty.

The only beacon of light in drugstore makeup shipping is mascara. I’ve always been a drugstore mascara girl: Maybelline in the green tube to be exact. I’ve tried the fancy ones…the ones that claim to lengthen, thicken, cure world peace. But you can’t beat the cheapo Maybelline.

Recently, I got a coupon to try a new Maybelline mascara product and I decided to give it a whirl. I’m a sucker for buy one, get one free, what can I say?

You can’t beat this $4 Define-a-Lash mascara from Maybelline! What I love most about it is that it’s got this fun rubbery wand that makes sure you get no clumps. You can put several layers on without getting spider eyes (but be careful not to let it dry too long or it gets very stiff…it won’t look bad, but you’ll be picking at it all day).

Also, it’s waterproof! I love this for the summer not only because I can wear it in the water if I forget to take it off, but also because I have a tendency to lose all my makeup when I sweat and this stuff goes NOWHERE.

So now, no matter what, I at least try to put on some mascara. It’s a little thing and it certainly doesn’t make me feel like Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada, but it’s a start, right?

What’s your favorite drugstore makeup product?