How Selling Used Clothes is Like Internet Dating or How I Got Married and Bought a Skirt

Recently, to aid my ailing closet, I have been trolling eBay. What I noticed was some of the items up for sale were items I was preparing to donate.

So I did a double check and pulled out some of the nicer brand items to see if I could make a little eBay money.

I sat on it for about a week and then finally decided to dive in. After all, what could it hurt? eBay has some nice no-nonsense deals for small sellers like moi. I only pay if my item sells, and even then it's a relatively small portion of what I make. And anything I made in the end was more than I would have made if I donated, right?

As I put my items up, I began to realize something. This is EXACTLY like Internet dating.

Allow me to illustrate.

1. People over-value themselves. When doing some eBay comparisons, I was shocked to find some people trying to sell items for only a few dollars less than I could find new in a department store. Similar to some of the men I came across on Internet dating who demanded women be financially stable, white collar, working women while they advertised themselves as white collar salesmen and turned out to be a lawnmower salesman at Sears. Or women I knew who refused to date divorced men despite having a few divorces under their belt. Be reasonable, people! Play in the right league.

2. People want the details...all of them. I made a rookie mistake on eBay and did not post the measurements of the items I was selling. Huuuuge mistake! I got three or four e-mails a day asking for specifics. Similar to when I was Internet dating and men asked outright for multiple pictures in obvious distrust that the ones you posted were current and accurate. I learned more is more in this scenario.

3. The details don't always sell it. I gave measurements of a shirt to a woman who asked on eBay. She told me that "no woman is THAT big." Granted, it was a shirt I had grown out of, but I thought that comment in bad taste. Much like an e-mail I got that said "oh, okay, I see you do keep yourself in decent shape. Many women don't and just put up pictures that don't show them as whales." Or when I found out the white collar lawnmower salesman's dream job was to sell electronics at Best Buy and I kindly told him things would not be between us.

4. Sometimes people don't read the details. I got a comment from a woman telling me the measurements I had put on a shirt on eBay were incorrect. She told me those were clearly for a large size shirt. The item I was selling was a size large shirt, clearly marked in my post. Just as in my Internet profile it was clear what my age range was and yet 40-year-old men contacted me daily to let me know they loved my smile.

5. Rejection is part of the game, you have to put yourself back out there. So the first round of eBay? Not so hot, people. I sold one shirt out of 5 items. Because it was free, I went ahead and re-listed my items and so far have sold two more. It hurts to see how many people are watching you and not bidding, just like it hurt to see over 30 people had viewed my profile and I had nary an Internet dating e-mail.

But hey, the money I earned on eBay bought me two new skirts so far. And that Internet dating thing? Yeah, it kind of worked out. Thanks to Yahoo personals, I've been married almost three years now.

Are you an eBayer? Any advice for the buyers OR the sellers? Did you try Internet dating?

Dress Me For Date Night

So last week we covered that I had zero wardrobe staples and was a hot mess in the clothing department.

I've since done some shopping. I was going to present an array of options for you, but as it is 117 degrees here today and the rest of the week, we'll be wearing the only cute skirt I own, which was purchased for $11 on eBay.

I'll show you the other stuff I bought on my next date night.

So some of may recall for Christmas, I bought Scott The 12 Dates of Christmas. Basically once a month we go to a different spot we've always wanted to go. This month we are going to The Nicollet Island Inn.

Without further ado, here are my wardrobe options. As I do not have any technological know-how, I can't do an actual poll so please comment here on what you think I should wear.

Oooh, one last thing! I totally need to do dry cleaning, so forgive the wrinkles on all my clothing. I'll get my act together before date night, I'm not that big of a slob.

Option 1: Cardigan from Banana Republic, Tank from The Gap, and my eBay Ann Taylor Skirt.

Option 2: Tank by Ann Taylor

Option 3: Cardigan: Herbergers, Tank: Ann Taylor

Option 4

 Option 5: Blazer and Top by Kohls

You Can't Take Me Anywhere!

So our first date of the 12 Dates of Christmas was to The Heartland in St. Paul. The restaurant is dedicated to using small farms and sourcing their food from the Midwest and Canada.

We shared a cheese plate that had the most amazing honey I have ever tasted. Scott had the grass-fed beef osso bucco and I had the chestnut ravioli. Both were beautiful and flavorful.

But the highlight of our date night? The bread and butter. I am not a butter person, I rarely use it. So when I do, I tend to go to Brummel and Brown or another light butter or yogurt-based spread.

So I ask the waitress "what did you guys put in the butter, it is AMAZING!"

And she kind of smirks and Scott covers his face a little and they both answer: "Nothing."

She informed me it was like 80% butter fat or something.

And this, my friends, is why you can't take my anywhere.

Guest Post: Part 2 Adventures in NRA Paradise

Please enjoy this guest post from my good buddy Lola.

I am a weak, weak woman. Well, also a curious one. So when I got another call from “Clive” (see previous entry), I agreed to take him up on his offer of coffee. Maybe somewhere deep down I kept hoping that Google messed up and the gun-toting lunatic it found for me was just “Clive’s” namesake. In reality, “Clive” would be tall, dark, handsome, and NRA membership-free.

Alas, my girlish dreams were shattered.



It was the same “Clive,” I realized, as I saw him getting out of the car at Caribou Coffee. Only skinnier. Much, much skinner. Holy hell, that guy’s skinny! Bill Gates could kick his ass, even without the help of his bodyguards!



“Clive,” in the meantime, was busy talking on his cell phone. And talking. And talking. Now officially late for our date, and yet still talking. Finally, he hung up and came in. And once we’re face-to-face, I think “oh my God, I’m on a date with John Leguizamo!” He could be John’s doppelganger. In bottle-cap glasses.




Once we have “Clive’s” creamer phobia all settled, we sit down with our coffee and fruit smoothie (I had the coffee…yeah, I know). So, “Clive,” tell me about yourself. And “Clive” did. In detail. Everything from his childhood to his fear of Memphis, Tennessee, to why art is dead (who hasn’t beaten that elitist dead horse!). I think I knew as much about him as his therapist after those 90 minutes.



“I feel like I’ve been talking all about myself,” he says to me at the end of our session. Well, yes, “Clive,” you have. And the few times you asked me something about myself, you played with your iPhone while I was talking. Maybe that was meant to impress me. Let’s pretend I didn’t see you checking your e-mail.


It’s a story as old as time – girl meets boy, girl thinks boy looks like John Leguizamo without the wit or charm, boy can’t put iPhone away, girl secretly rolls her eyes all through coffee. It’s like living a Jane Austen novel. And they say romance is dead!


Any old-fashioned romance would be incomplete without a passionate love letter. Mine was waiting in my inbox when I got home. “Very impressed with you,” it read. Oh, goshums. And I didn’t even know that I was on a job interview! Silly me.

Guest Post: Part 1 Your Holster is Showing

Google is my new best friend. Wait, no, more like an uptight but kindly schoolmarm. She’s strict, she’s prudish, you love to hate her sometimes but dammit, the old bat’s sage advice just kept you from making a terrible mistake. Is Lola off her meds or something, you might ask? No, kids. Lola’s just been set up on a blind date. And were it not for Google…wait, let me start at the beginning.


Unlike my pal Stephanie, who never has to wade the perpetually shallow dating pool again, I am single. Which opens up a whole new can of worms – people trying to help you out, the poor soul, and set you up with various “nice young men.” “Nice,” as well as “young,” is often an exaggeration. And now I can add my dad to the list of helpful matchmakers.

Picture a rainy night. Wet, empty sidewalks, a lone streetlamp in the distance enveloped in seamy city fog. Okay, so maybe I watch too much film noir. But my phone did ring one dark and stormy night and a voice I didn’t know said, “Hi, Lola. I’ll be in your area soon and we should get together sometime.” Um, we should? Who are you? My attempts to find out how this guy got my number yielded no conclusive results. Finally I figured it’s some prank call, excused myself and hung up. Hey, maybe he dialed a wrong number!



I completely forgot about the whole episode until I paid a visit to my parents. And my dad asked, “Why do hang up on nice young men?” (Ah, there’s that phrase again!) And try as I might, I couldn’t get any more details out of him. Just “nice,” “young” and “man.” That last adjective was more or less corroborated during our brief phone conversation but the jury’s still out on the first two.



A couple nights later, I come home to discover a voicemail from this guy. Let’s call him “Clive.” And I have to admit, he sounds nice on the phone. What the hey, maybe he is normal and this is worth a shot! And since Clive left his last name, too, I inadvertently Googled him while at work. A total accident, I swear!


Holy mother load.



The most I expected to find was maybe his name on some alumni list. Or maybe Facebook. But this guy? Has an entire website devoted to himself. It covers everything from hobbies, to his parents to what he did last weekend.


And as I’m browsing, there’s something about “Clive” and his site that keeps nagging at me. What is it? Oh, yes, all the GUNS! Entire photo galleries of them! Everything from small handguns to what looks like AK-47s. I’ll admit I don’t know much about firearms and don’t want to learn.



Judging by other results Google managed to scrape up, “Clive” runs forums on guns, claims the government has a secret plan to take them away from us, apparently specializes in photo shoots of “chicks with guns” (access for forum members only) and even does ads for…kid guns!! Yep, cute little pink and purple semi-automatic rifles for your little princess, just as sugar and spice as she is!



Ummmm, what the hell?



Curiosity killed the cat. And in my case, any interest I may have had in “Clive.” But at least I know I have one true love. Dear Google – thanks for everything. Love, Lola.

Stay tuned for when, in Lola's infinite wisdom, she decides to GO ON A DATE WITH CLIVE!