Saturday, May 8, 2010

I Ain't Got No Alibi


The suburbs are just CRAWLING with cops the last few weeks. I can’t figure it out, at first I thought it was my imagination. For, you see, I was one of the first victims of this crackdown. It was a BAD day from the start. Wee ‘Burb had her first cold, the dog had some sort of rash, work was dreadful and I was just exhausted.

Because Cous Cous isn’t exactly the best behaved dog in the car, I had agreed to go with Scott to the vet. 30 minutes and $30 later we were told it was just a rash that all dogs get all the time…despite the fact that I had DESCRIBED this rash IN DETAIL to the vet, I was still told to come in. To be told it was no biggie. Great.

So in a rage and $30 poorer, I just wanted to go home. So I was not, how you say, vigilant. Of either my speed or the fact that there were a bunch of cops hiding out at a mailbox just waiting for sleep-deprived losers like me.

And so the cherries flash and I about throw up. Here’s the thing about me: I have an irrational fear of cops. I say irrational because, in fact, I have many family friends who are cops. I know nothing is going to happen to me. Yes, I might get a ticket. But it’s very unlikely I am going to get taken in under some false arrest warrant so they can frame me for some heinous deed for which I have no alibi. But that changes nothing, I go white as a ghost, shake and start to cry.

I also, like an a-hole, took my seatbelt off to get my (turns out, expired) proof of insurance from my glove compartment. So I’m trying to put it on and the cop says “A little late for the belt, miss.” I stammer out that it was on, I couldn’t reach my compartment, etc. He just nods, takes my (expired) proof of insurance and license and disappears.

I’m sure in reality it was 2 minutes, but you know how that can feel like eternity? I mean, I really thought it was 10 minutes, at least. But he comes back and issues me a ticket for my expired proof of insurance, nicely telling me all I need to do is fax in my proof and the ticket will be erased.

So I thought it was my imagination, born of PTSD from my experience, that the cops were crawling everywhere, but more and more people started commenting. I even overheard strangers conversing about it! You expect this kind of show of force around major holidays. The only major event that happened here was the tragic death of a police officer recently, but I’m not sure it warranted this level of vigilance.

I’ve tried to Google it and look it up in the local paper to no avail. If anyone knows what’s up, I’m dying to know! In the meantime, just call me Stephanie Speed Limit!

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