When she and I discussed this, I had recently ended a bad relationship and was smack dab in the middle of “what now?” I am a planner, a plan had just dismantled in very dramatic fashion, and I was just left floating around. In a constant state of Sunday Lonelies.
I realized how much time I had spent in that relationship, and others before and since, that so closely mirrored that Sunday Lonelies feeling. Not even just with men, but at various times when I would tie myself to groups of women, never feeling secure that they really wanted to be my friend, saw me as worthy of being a part of them. I vividly felt so many times that feeling in the pit of my stomach saying, urging, I don’t want to be here. That feeling was so much lonelier, somehow, when it happened among other people.
I was thinking about this as I was reading a book to my little girl. I smiled and looked down at her. The truth is, my Sunday Lonelies ended when I met Scott. I think in some small way that’s how I knew he was THE ONE, as they say. I never feel lonely around him. I never get bored of him.
And now, of course, Sunday IS family day. And I cherish that. But as I looked down at my daughter, I wondered: how do I tell her that if she gets that feeling, that lonely feeling, she’s in the wrong crowd, she’s with the wrong person? Would I have understood that and taken it to heart if someone had told me long ago? The me who was so positive I was unlovable, unkeepable, uninteresting? I hope with all my might Wee ‘Burb will never feel that way about herself, but I also understand the world and a growing girl’s often uncomfortable place in it. So instead I will just hope she finds someone who makes those Sunday Lonelies disappear.