Office Space: What I Learned About Myself

Well, thanks for all the positive remarks both on and off the blog. I did manage to get through the work party, and people at least pretended to be impressed and appreciative.


I have to say, the biggest surprise was how completely draining it is going into work when you are used to working at home.


I know, I know, for those of you working in an office every day, the world’s smallest violins are coming out to play me a sad song. But seriously, here are the Top 3 Things I Hate About Working in an Office:


1. No Escape from a Bad Hair Day. I’ve mentioned in the past that my hygiene suffered so immensely when I started working at home that I instituted "work pajamas". So two days before I had to go into the office, I realized I had no clean clothes that were work appropriate. While I was feeling quite pleased I fit into my clothes, which I had tailored at my wedding weight, I wasn’t so pleased about the dry cleaning bill. Or having to bandage blisters at night because I am so unused to wearing heels now. There’s just this pressure to look at least as good as the bright-eyed 20-somethings with their black pants and cute heels. At home, I only have to look as good as my puppy and 8-month-old who is covered in drool thanks to teething hell.


2. No Escape from Small Talk. Don’t get me wrong, I like people. I’m so high Extrovert on the Myers-Briggs, it’s not even funny. But I really can’t stand small talk. There’s only so much “oh this rain is good for the plants” or “wow, traffic was so crazy today” before I just want to fake a seizure to liven things up. I could always talk sports with a few of the guys, but even that wears thin after awhile. Now, as you’ll see in my next point, I don’t want to share my life story to anyone who happens to be putting cream in their coffee in the break room, but it’s just tiring having the same conversation over and over again.


3. No Escape from Overshare. One of the main reasons I am working at home is because they had nowhere else to seat me in our office and I complained CONSTANTLY about the noise. There was a chick in the cube across from me who was always talking on the phone about things nobody should hear about! Let’s just say I am fairly sure I knew she was pregnant before even her husband, and she was so descriptive about the different exams she endured due to “issues” with her pregnancy, that she was simply known as Rectal Chick to anyone who knew me and heard me talk about her. Also, the people who didn’t talk in the bathroom stalls (and seriously, why is that going on? Do your business, THEN talk) would start (or sometimes continue) their deep discussions right by cube. Many just leaned right on the wall, right on the sign where I wrote “This is a working area, please do not hold private discussions here.” Apparently your latest medical issues and drug-addicted children are…not private? I don’t know. I just know if you worked at my company, I probably heard something you didn’t necessarily want me to hear. This is why happy hour was invented, people. Take it outside with a glass of wine, thanks!

All I can say is tonight I am happy to be setting out my work jammies and putting my little coffee pot on for 7:00 a.m. My coffee, not the company swill. Another little thing I learned about the office? People like their coffee weaker than my resolve not to eat the Snickers bar in my office-provided lunch. Not good times.