Summertime and the Livin’ is Good? Top 8 reasons Summer is toooo long

Let's thank whatever deity you believe in that Melissa over at The Literal Mom joined the blogging world this year. A veteran of "top" lists like this, The Literal Mom is also an awesome supporter of other bloggers, featuring guest posts by other mommy bloggers on various topics, both important and funny. Please run to her blog now and offer her thanks for all she shares, especially right here.

1. Summer becomes winter. In other words, you reach a point where you can’t go outside. Why? Too hot to go out, too sweaty to have fun, too many mosquitoes.

2. Pool food makes you fat. “Hi, I’ll take fried with a side of fried. And ice cream for dessert.” Abandon the pool for the state fair? Makes you even fatter. We now have deep fried Snickers at our state fair. Delicious – even IF it’s heart attack on a Styrofoam plate.

3. No matter how much stamina you start with in June, there’s a tipping point, about now, where entertaining your children for 13-14 hours a day is impossible and listening to them entertain themselves with “I’M BORED,” arguing and fighting is even worse.

4. 1000 calories of ice cream per week guarantee a 3 pound weight gain by week 9. That’s math my 4th grader can do. But it’s self-control I apparently can’t do.

5. GOOD LORD, where did the routine go?

6. Back to School shoe shopping is more painful than a root canal. Or maybe more painful than being drawn and quartered. Tarred and feathered. Sliding down a razor into a vat of alcohol.

7. Too much TV starts feeling like child abuse. Like watching their brains turn to goo before your eyes. See #1 for why too much TV starts happening. What do YOU define as too much TV? I define it as when the breaks in between TV watching become shorter than the TV watching itself.

8. No matter how much you’re DONE with summer, the end means a new chapter in your lives. A new milestone reached. And my friends, watching your kids grow up is hard. Gratifying, but hard. Excuse me, I need to go have a good cry now.

What surprises you every summer? What makes you look forward to fall?

The Literal Mom talks about all kinds of fun stuff at www.literalmom.com. Come on over and check me out. Become a subscriber and let’s go through the journey together. Why? Because together, we are stronger. Hope to see you soon. Thanks, Stephanie!

More to Life Than a Cow Creamer

I found Life as a Wife through an awesome Twitter #commenthour and have enjoyed getting to know her and her awesome family through her Tweets and her adorable blog, Life as Wife. Some of my favorite posts are her musings on her husband as a man and father, including this one on how her baby is just like daddy and a letter to daddy from his son that made me cry. Please join me in saying hello and a big thank you for guest posting for me while I am on vacation.

Stephanie in Suburbia never fails to make me laugh; between her live-in-roommate and smarty-pants wee' burb, the chuckles are endless. Of course, I am preaching to the choir because you people are reading her blog and must like her too!

Recently she reminisced about her experience creating a wedding registry and the corer that almost ended it all. To be honest, I had no f-ing idea what the heck a corer even was before her post. I should have known but alas, I did not. Why? Because the hubby and I planned our wedding in three days and I was worried about silly little things like him getting kicked out of the Army for sneaking to the next county to marry me. (For the record, his chain-of-command was none the wiser and he served an amazing three years of service.

I may not covet a ceramic cow creamer but there are a few things that I am not sure how the heck I have survived without. So, without any further bs-ing here are the top five things every newlywed couple should have put on their registry.

1.) A sturdy serving platter: Every new wife needs a beautiful serving platter. During that first year when you burn every meal you will eventually catch your poor hubby mumbling under his breath, use your platter to hit him in the back of the head. The heavier the platter, the better.

2.) Blender: Eventually nothing will sound better then a margarita and having a blender will be a lifesaver (your husband's that is!) The loud noise also works well for drowning out the noise of the game that will be playing on T.V. (A vacuum works as well but I wouldn't recommend registering for one because then you will be expected to clean.)

3.) Monogrammed coffee mugs: Monograms may be the only way you remember to spell your new last name because trust me, your hubby will only think you scribbling out your signature is cute so many times. Really anything from monogrammed towels to a doormat works well.

4.) Comfortable and stylish bedding: The trick here is to register for bedding for both your marital bed and guest room or pull-out. Why? So when his snoring gets unbearable or he hogs the covers you will have somewhere comfy and cute to crash!

5.) Beer keg cooler: This item will serve two purposes. For one - major brownie points with the husband and the other? Look at number three for a reminder.

I blame this all on Steph because before her post, I didn't really care that I didn't have monogrammed, his-and-hers mugs or a blender with over 100 speeds. Don't worry though, I made up for it when it came time for Little Man's baby registry.

What do you wish you had registered for? If you've done a baby registry, were you traumatized by the wedding experience?

The Weeks Ahead

I want to mention that I will be having some amazing guest posts coming up in the next two weeks. I know what this means for some people. I know sometimes when I see a guest blogger, I skip the post. It's not who I came to see. It's not the headliner, so to speak.

I hope you don't feel this way about the bloggers I've chosen.

Here's the truth. A few weeks ago, we instituted "take a break" with Wee 'Burb. Like a time out, but less punitive given she's 20 months. It was more about having her step away from a situation and calm down.

It works like 50% of the time. Or to quote Anchorman, "60% of the time, it works all the time."

Which is to say, sometimes it serves its purpose and she just sits and gets distracted from whatever it was that was making her frustrated enough to hit someone. Usually me.

I started thinking about this in my own life, about how great the idea is, really. To sit somewhere with no distractions and just reset.

So that's what I am doing.

Initially, I wanted bloggers to cover the week that I was out. And then I got such great submissions, I decided to go ahead and take the week before, too. To prepare for the weeks ahead. Where I will be traveling with my family and a toddler. Where I will be unplugged for 7 days. Where I will hopefully reset a little bit.

Nothing will change here. I'm still the same old Stephanie, blogging about inanities and showing pictures of my kid.

The truth is, I chose these bloggers because they are funny, sweet, sentimental. They are all so worth reading, I am proud to have them here. I really, truly hope that you go and read each and every one of them.

And I truly hope you'll be back when I am.

Wishing you all the breaks you need!

Stephanie

My Life as a Luddite. Part Deux.

Okay, so if you're not insanely bored with my first saga, here's the rest of the story.

As I said, giving up my data plan was hard enough. I wasn't going to give up texting, and luckily (?) my bills wouldn't be reduced by making that particular sacrifice.

Scott suggested I find a pay-as-you-go/no contract phone. Because Verizon doesn't offer great trade-in value for phones and doesn't give credit for phones after your initial contract, I had to find something affordable.

The only requirement I had was that it have a QWERTY keyboard.

Um, yeah, apparently that was a tall order. The cheapest phone there that met my, apparently, difficult requirement? $80!!

I barely paid that for my Blackberry.

So I did what any resourceful girl would do...I went to eBay.

This was not any easier. I found so many great deals with a label attached later saying "Bad ESN" or "use for parts."

I had to Google everything. Apparently, a Bad ESN means someone (probably) stole it and Verizon has a stopgap where you can't use it.

I finally found one for $50 that said it was usable and also that I could return it in 7 days if need be.

My confidence in Verizon had waned by this point, so I was afraid need may be. And that fear turned out to be quite founded as I entered Verizon and had the guy look at me, puzzled. "Does anyone still use this phone?"

And I stood there, looking at him, feeling like a complete tool. As soon as I said I got the phone on ebay, he laughed. So I told him I was going to go out and buy a phone. He recommended against that. Apparently Verizon recently changed its policy and pay-as-you-go phones no longer work with people who have contracts.

My only phone option? $130. And I would still have to upgrade my contract.

So I left, feeling totally helpless and depressed.

Did I mention I went to a Verizon that was near other errands, so 30 minutes away from me?

I get home and pack up the cell phone to ship back the phone when I realize the guy at Verizon had kept one of the cords. Thank God for my friend Lola who lived nearby and brought it to me, for I was near a breaking point.

I take one last stab at contacting the seller, letting him know I was about to write some negative feedback. He was apologetic, assured me there was nothing wrong with the phone. After some discussion, he called Verizon and got it worked out. It had to do with not fully deactivating a phone number.

I went in Wednesday morning and VIOLA! New phone!

I miss my data plan so much. I miss it when I'm standing in line and want to comment on what somebody is wearing or saying. I miss the little "CHING CHING" when I get a new mention on Twitter. I miss the reassuring "DING" when I get e-mail.

But still? I know it was the right decision. I know I'll get used to it soon. As soon as I can speedily start texting again.

Lousy with Louses or Balding Gracefully

On Wee 'Burb's first day of her new daycare, I saw the dreaded note on the door. Parents of the center daycare will know what notice I am speaking of.

It's the infectious disease report, usually a one-page note letting you know one of the rhesus monkeys your toddler has been sharing spit-laden toys with has come down with some sort of plague.

Given it was her first day there, I didn't pay much attention until I caught another look at it.

LICE!

When I was growing up, lice was like herpes. Every girl dreaded getting it, and we all avoided talking about it as long as possible if we got it.

For half of my life, I had hair down to my butt. Thick, beautiful hair. Thick beautiful hair that I didn't want to lose.

For you see, my first experience with lice was when it made its way through my elementary class, somewhere around third or fourth grade. The dreaded note came out and my mother did her usual check, and all was clear.

The next day I went to school. There were two girls, sisters, who I was sort of mildly friends with. Inasmuch as I was friends with anyone at that age. I was painfully shy and withdrawn.

Anyway, we'll call them the M Sisters.

The M Sisters were on the playground, being actively avoided by the other kids. I approached and then took a step back.

The M Sisters were BALD! Their newly shorn pates shining brightly in the sun. The M Sisters were possibly the whitest kids in our school. They were borderline grey. Their naked scalps were nearly transparent.

You guys? They did NOT have lice!! Their mom just freaked out so much given this was the third or fourth outbreak of lice, she took preventive action. By shaving their heads.

From that day on, any time a letter came home about lice I would sob hysterically while my mom checked me, positive that my luscious locks would be shaved as soon as one of those egg sacks was found.

Thank God it never happened (and my mom assured me years later, she NEVER would have shaved my head).

But to this day, when I see the word "lice" I immediately grab my hair protectively, positive someone will show up with a razor and leave my scalp exposed.

Do you think shaving a head is kind of crazy? Have you had to deal with these infectious outbreaks? Has your child ever been Patient Zero on any of these? Do you admit it? Are you itchy now just thinking about it?

Where I Start to Think the Amish Have the Right Idea

So, as you may recall, we enrolled Wee 'Burb in a new, slightly more expensive, daycare.

Ok, more than slightly more expensive. $30 a week more.

To say I have been concerned about where this $30 was going to come from is rather like saying there's a possibility the words "goddess" and "tiger blood" might be used in the Charlie Sheen roast.

We figured out some of it will come from the fact that Scott has cheaper insurance at his new job. While Wee 'Burb and I will stay on mine, him getting his own will save us a decent amount of money.

We are also considering canceling cable. The challenge we have there is I have an older Tivo without Hulu, so it would become effectively useless with over a year left on my contract. Also, my Comcast deal, thanks to all their insane screw-ups, lasts until January. So there's no immediate need to cancel.

The other easy place to cut back? Our cell phone bills. Because Scott was working on a side business, and his old job gave him a generous stipend for cell phones, we have 3 lines on our cell phone plan. To cancel the third line, we'd have to pay $300. Or we can continue to pay the $10 a month the line costs for a year.

I was a journalism major, but I believe my math works out where that's a no-brainer.  

Did I mention I loathe cell phone contracts?

Anyway, so that wasn't an option. I told the guy we were desperate, what could we do to lower this bill?

He said the saddest words I ever heard: you can cancel your data plan.

The thing is, a year ago when I found a phone I loved, I was told I had to have a data plan and I was put off. What the hell was I going to do with all of these applications? All the complications?

Um, spend half my day on Twitter and e-mail people while standing in line, of course!

But I'm willing to be a team player here, so I said I would give up my data plan.

The catch? Because, let's face it, there's ALWAYS a catch.

My phone was not compatible with no data plan. It was, in other words, far too good for the simple plan I was now trying to reduce my life to.

So I got a list of compatible phones after the dude condescendingly asked me: "does anyone have, like, a basic phone you could use?"

Yes, all my friends and family have cell phones laying about. Piles of 'em.

I grieved for the loss of Internet at my fingers and began searching for a phone crappy enough to allow me to just, you know, talk on the phone.

Oh, and text. I text a lot. And that's not part of my data plan, so I didn't need to give that up.

People? I have to draw the line somewhere. And if I can't e-mail people while waiting for my Starbucks, then I damn sure am going to text them.

Since this is getting a little bit long, I'm going to make the second part of this drama another post.

Are there cuttable bills in your life? How often do you review your budget and bills?

How Selling Used Clothes is Like Internet Dating or How I Got Married and Bought a Skirt

Recently, to aid my ailing closet, I have been trolling eBay. What I noticed was some of the items up for sale were items I was preparing to donate.

So I did a double check and pulled out some of the nicer brand items to see if I could make a little eBay money.

I sat on it for about a week and then finally decided to dive in. After all, what could it hurt? eBay has some nice no-nonsense deals for small sellers like moi. I only pay if my item sells, and even then it's a relatively small portion of what I make. And anything I made in the end was more than I would have made if I donated, right?

As I put my items up, I began to realize something. This is EXACTLY like Internet dating.

Allow me to illustrate.

1. People over-value themselves. When doing some eBay comparisons, I was shocked to find some people trying to sell items for only a few dollars less than I could find new in a department store. Similar to some of the men I came across on Internet dating who demanded women be financially stable, white collar, working women while they advertised themselves as white collar salesmen and turned out to be a lawnmower salesman at Sears. Or women I knew who refused to date divorced men despite having a few divorces under their belt. Be reasonable, people! Play in the right league.

2. People want the details...all of them. I made a rookie mistake on eBay and did not post the measurements of the items I was selling. Huuuuge mistake! I got three or four e-mails a day asking for specifics. Similar to when I was Internet dating and men asked outright for multiple pictures in obvious distrust that the ones you posted were current and accurate. I learned more is more in this scenario.

3. The details don't always sell it. I gave measurements of a shirt to a woman who asked on eBay. She told me that "no woman is THAT big." Granted, it was a shirt I had grown out of, but I thought that comment in bad taste. Much like an e-mail I got that said "oh, okay, I see you do keep yourself in decent shape. Many women don't and just put up pictures that don't show them as whales." Or when I found out the white collar lawnmower salesman's dream job was to sell electronics at Best Buy and I kindly told him things would not be between us.

4. Sometimes people don't read the details. I got a comment from a woman telling me the measurements I had put on a shirt on eBay were incorrect. She told me those were clearly for a large size shirt. The item I was selling was a size large shirt, clearly marked in my post. Just as in my Internet profile it was clear what my age range was and yet 40-year-old men contacted me daily to let me know they loved my smile.

5. Rejection is part of the game, you have to put yourself back out there. So the first round of eBay? Not so hot, people. I sold one shirt out of 5 items. Because it was free, I went ahead and re-listed my items and so far have sold two more. It hurts to see how many people are watching you and not bidding, just like it hurt to see over 30 people had viewed my profile and I had nary an Internet dating e-mail.

But hey, the money I earned on eBay bought me two new skirts so far. And that Internet dating thing? Yeah, it kind of worked out. Thanks to Yahoo personals, I've been married almost three years now.

Are you an eBayer? Any advice for the buyers OR the sellers? Did you try Internet dating?