Random Humping and a Plea for Guest Bloggers

So, I just have loads of randomness for you today. Photos included, kiddies!

But first, might I do a little begging? I’ll be in Sunny California April 2-9 and I would so very much love to have a few guest bloggers fill this space. Interested? E-mail me please at stephanieinsuburbia at yahoo.

Okay, so first of all, yesterday marked about 2 weeks since the poor dog has been outside. So I took her to the dog park so she could get her run on. I stepped over the many, many mud puddles. She did not.

Which resulted in a messy car. Thank goodness I had one of Wee 'Burb's baby blankets there, since I didn't think to bring a towel.

An even messier puppy. Which resulted in this.

Cous Cous always looks so traumatized when I bathe her. She’s good and sits in the sink, but she just looks so abused.

That same night Wee ‘Burb came home with THE WORST diaper rash ever. She’s had some unpleasant ones, and she never cries. But this time, the second I touched her she screamed to the point I started crying.

So I did the old-school thing and let her “air it out.”

I texted my roommate “beware nekkid baby and ninja dog.”

We call Cous Cous “ninja dog” when we take her collar off because we purposely left her tags noisy. You know how you can buy those plastic collar silencers so they don’t jingle? Well a week after we got her, we realized that jingle was all that was standing between us and dog pee somewhere in the house. So for a few hours after her bath she gets freedom from the collar.

So you’re sitting on the couch and enjoying an adult beverage when all of a sudden something hops up next to you. You spill said adult beverage, scream at the ninja dog, and then don’t know where she goes to pout. It’s all dangerous, people.

So yeah, my roommate and husband come home to a bare naked baby and a wayward silent dog. Y’all, could we BE more backwoods?

The naked baby? Resulted in this.

This morning I had an appointment with a dietician. It was actually really interesting. But I was so flustered when I got there.

First, I was harangued by the front desk lady about my ID badge. I haven’t worked in an office in years. I only showed her the badge because I couldn’t remember my license plate number to register as a guest. Since my information hadn’t been updated since 2005, she shoved me over to the security department and I got to see my fat face updated with my new name. Or, well not really new since I got married two-and-a-half years ago.

Then I spent like 5 minutes using my badge to try to enter the clinic. It’s set inside the office, so I assumed I had to use it. A woman finally comes to rescue me. “You just have to push, not pull.”

Awwwkward.

Anyway, while I waited for the dietician they gave me an iPad to play with. If you’re new here, I am not a fan of the Apple.


A sample of my hatred from that post:

I make it there at 12:00 and am greeted by another iPad, who tells me “One of the Genuises will be with you shortly…or is it Genui?” Hardee har…shut it, Face Pubes.

I’m told to wait on a bench. I should say here, in these stores the Genius Bars are elevated about 20 feet. The benches are practically on the floor. Remember when you grew up and your parents would be like “oh they’ll all be working for you someday?” These are those kids. We’re not working for them, necessarily, but we are going to bow before their ability to get us mobile entertainment at our fingertips.

This was a bunch of diet apps, I guess. I twisted it and turned it and then kind of wondered what the point was. If I found a recipe I liked, what was I going to do with it? Anyway, I am comfortable with my decision to not do anything with Apple. Other than my previously purchased iPod.

Stay tuned for a post on the stuff I learned at the dietician, a very impressive visit.

So I was at Target, and Chaz was ringing me up. He totally looked like his name. He kept smirking, and at first I thought it was because of the feminine products I was purchasing.

I remember when I used to be all embarrassed about buying that stuff. BICOAK (Before I Crapped Out a Kid). Then he kind of giggled. He goes “you wanted me to super pack this, right?” I had given him a cloth bag and told him to fill it to the top. I nodded, and he kept smirking.

I think somehow he was overly pleased with himself for packing 10 pounds of groceries in my little bag. I was slightly annoyed, and then he packed this together, and it amused me.




Bananas Packed in Wee 'Burb's Monkey Easter Basket.



So that’s it here. How has your week been? And please remember to let me know if you want to guest blog!