You Are Getting Verrrrry Sleeeeeepy......

So those of you who saw Office Space (I’m not the only one who watches it after a bad work week, right?), will recall the iconic scene in which Peter’s girlfriend (who IS cheating on him, by the way) gets hypnotized into a very relaxed state…one he doesn’t actually wake up from because the hypnotist croaks mid-wake.

Looking for anything…I mean, ANYTHING…that could take me out of my weight loss plateau, I came across a community ed class for hypnosis for weight loss.

So I roped my roommate into it. Or we roped each other. I’m not sure how it went down, but in the beginning of February, we were sitting in a high school classroom, pillows in hand, ready to be launched into a world where we hated food, loved exercise, and drank only water.

We walked in to sign up and the woman hands us a blue card with our names and the word “CANCEL” on it. So immediately I am all worked up and ask the woman why mine says “CANCEL.” She gruffly states: “I will tell you about that, you may sit down.”

Methinks she needs Hypnosis for ‘Tude Loss. But I digress.

So we sit down, cards and details in hand. And then Tude gets up and starts talking. And talking. Aaaaaand talking.

At the 22 minute mark I looked over at my roommate and whispered “do you…do you think this is part of the hypnosis?” I mean, seriously, does being bored and STARVING make you a better candidate for successful hypnosis?

Class started at 6 p.m. and was supposed to go to 8, we figured we could get out at 7 and eat. I was a little miffed because the smokers had an hour while we got hypnotized to go off and have a last smoke. I thought I deserved a last doughnut, thank you!

So, does being bored and starving and cranky make you a better candidate for successful hypnosis?

After quoting articles from well before I was born and going on and on about how great hypnosis is (which, I understand she probably frequently has to legitimize her profession, I get that. But we paid $50 to be in her presence, it’s safe to say on some level we believe this is legitimate enough to waste a few hours and some dough on, let’s get on with the tick tock, lady!), she finally hits the lead on how she became a hypnotist.

She was in a very abusive relationship, got a horrible divorce, and promptly (understandably) went into a dark depression. Wanting to get off meds, she sought a hypnotist, and within a year she had a new relationship, a new job, and a happy family. She was sold and made this her career.

I kind of liked the idea that this had worked for her (even if she was gruff in the beginning), but I was ridiculously starved by this point and you could hear stomachs growling and people shifting in their seats.

Finally, around 7:15 (yes, seriously, she talked for over an hour!) she sent the smokers off and got to work on us chubbers. To say it got off to a rocky start would be a bit of an understatement.

As she’s guiding us through imagery, she did the “deeper and deeeeeper” thing from Office Space and my roommate and I both had to swallow our giggles.

Then she said “you will feel like a wet noooooodle” and we both giggled again and I was starting to be concerned we were going to be the first people ever to get kicked out of hypnosis.

Then she took us through some imagery, and we were told to see a red light and the word “CANCEL” (which is supposed to be our mental mantra when we want food we are not supposed to have, it’s supposed to “cancel” the desire, and that’s why it was written on our card). And then…

Yeah, that’s all I remember.

I promptly fell asleep.

I woke up about 10 minutes later, so I figured. She was bringing us back to the count of 5 and I giggled again thinking “what if someone busted in here right now? Would I become anorexic because I was so relaxed and hating food?”

But we were brought back. And then told it had been actually 40 minutes of relaxation and hypnosis.

Which means, I slept for 30 of it!

We were sent home with CDs and the card guaranteeing us lifetime revisits should we need them.

My roommate and I promptly went and ate cheese curds and tater tots, fairly convinced and concerned this had little effect on us.

So, did it?

Well yes.

Now, before you guys get all excited, I have not lost a significant amount of weight. BUT, there have been drastic changes to my lifestyle as it relates to food. Changes I believe will contribute to better sustainable weight loss in my future.

1. Diet Coke. I am addicted. This was one of the hardest things next to wine that I had to give up when I was pregnant. I drink at least 2 cans a day, and that is only because I strictly limit myself to these portions. Were it up to me, I could easily finish a 24 pack in a week. Now? After adding a little programming in (with the CD, you get times in the hypnosis, assuming you can stay awake, where you can add in other things like biting your nails, or specific items you wish to avoid), I have to tell you, I’ve had 3 total in the last month. And each one has been worse than the last. The CD is programmed to tell you soft drinks will taste metallic. I’ve tested in 3 times. It’s 100% true. Do not ask me how this is so, but it is. I no longer like Diet Coke.

2. Coffee and other caffeinated beverages. Same as above. Now, I still drink coffee every morning, but I used to pour tons of Sweet and Low in it and drink 3-4 cups. Now? I sprinkle some Sweet and Low in, and can only really stomach 1 or 2 cups before I begin to experience the horrible aftertaste.

3. I heart water. Guys, I can’t describe how I loathe water. It’s just so booooring! Getting 3 cups a day was a GOAL of mine before this. And that was more just “okay, your body needs water after working out, not Diet Coke.” Now? I drink 4-6 bottles a day, and that’s only because I had to impose limits of no water after 6 or I was up all night going to the bathroom.

These are little things, right? You’re thinking, “that’s great, Stephanie, but those little items are not going to lose you that much weight.”

And you are totally right.

What will, though? My awareness of what I am eating and why.

Before hypnosis, almost every Friday night we would order pizza, polish off a bottle of wine, and watch TV. I thought about it, but only casually. “Well, this is a good cheat day, I have worked hard, I deserve one day not to fret about food.” And yeah, that would have been mildly acceptable (as much as constantly rewarding yourself with food is acceptable) if it weren’t for the fact that I let that thought carry me through my weekend.

Now?

Friday night, Scott brought home leftover pizza from work (he’s been forbidden from ordering pizza since my hypnosis). It sat in the fridge, mocking me. I was hungry.

I stopped, took a deep breath, said “CANCEL” and walked away.

I was still hungry.

I ate a banana and a small piece of chocolate…not the whole bar, an actual serving size piece of chocolate. That pizza, tempting as it was, stood in its plastic wrap because I THOUGHT about what I was eating and why.

So what do you think? Do you reward yourself for food? Has you or anyone you known ever done hypnosis? Would you ever consider being hypnotized?