Pages

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Guest Post: Lola's Fear of (Not) Flying

It's that time again! My good buddy Lola is taking over my blog. I have a month until my vacation when I get to fly with a toddler, so this is not the feel-good story of the year. And yet, totally relatable.

Hands up, who here has gotten seriously drunk on an airplane? Two weeks ago, I would have gasped in ladylike horror at such a notion. Maybe even clutched my pearls.

But not anymore.

I hope you will not judge me too harshly, I had a good excuse (old Lola: sure, that’s what they all say!). And in my defense, I did not start any arguments with the flight attendant, didn’t get the federal marshals involved, nor did I activate the inflatable escape slide, as giddy with drunken delight as I was. Come on, those things look like fun! Totally just one of those backyard slides, only with a freezing ocean at the end…

Really, Delta is to blame. Things started out innocently enough with my first flight landing on time. I casually strolled out, determined to hit a few duty-free shops during the four-hour layover. But first, I needed my boarding pass (for some stupid reason, I was only issued one for the first half of my trip).

So I casually moseyed up to the counter, even letting a nice elderly couple ahead of me, that’s how good of a mood I was in. Finally, it’s my turn. The check-in lady fiddles with my itinerary. But instead of handing me a boarding pass with a beaming smile and sending me on my way, she furrows her brow.

Wuh-oh.

But I’m telling myself to stay positive. Maybe all this means is that I won’t get a window seat. She keeps at the keyboard. Clickety-clack. Okay, now I’m getting REALLY nervous. Finally, she looks up and tells me with a nice Dutch accent that my flight is almost done boarding.

Um, excuse me?? I have four hours! Oh no, no, she tells me. My flight leaves in 20 minutes! Oh, and my bag is already on board.

I think I am going to throw up on her nice counter. She picks up the phone and starts chatting away to someone in Dutch, which is when I hear the following message over the PA system: “Lola, you are delaying the flight. Please board immediately, or we will proceed to offload your luggage.”

Dear God, this harkened me back to the time I was paged to the principle’s office over the intercom in sixth grade. Only now, my precious luggage is in just as much trouble, is probably getting suspected of containing a bomb, possibly getting sniffed by police dogs and getting rudely kicked off the plane. A plane it wasn’t even supposed to be on because THIS IS NOT MY FLIGHT!!

And the Check-in Lady of Doom? Still chatting. In Dutch.

Finally, FINALLY she hangs up after what felt like three hours. “Well, I managed to move you to the five o’clock flight,” she tells me wearily. Chatting in Dutch can wear one out, I hear. “It leaves in four hours.”

Yes, the flight I was SUPPOSED TO BE ON!

Of course now, my thoughts turn back to my bag. She assures me the bag was taken off the departing flight and will make it to the later one. I remain skeptical. I mean, if Delta can’t even keep their passengers on the right flights, what chance is there for humble luggage?! Even for pretty, dark burgundy luggage that’s probably getting abused by luggage handlers as we speak.

Still, I clutch onto my hard-earned boarding pass and walk away. The whole time, I feel like it’s going to get snatched away. I keep checking the boarding time over and over, afraid that I didn’t read it right or something. I even show up at the gate an hour early just to make sure I’m going to be on the right flight.

Finally, it’s time to board. The flight is, of course, full. And one row down from me, something ain’t right – an older woman in a cardigan is arguing about something with a young Asian guy. Then flight attendants get involved.

Apparently, both of them have a boarding pass for the exact same seat! Gulp.

A little while later, poor Cardigan Woman gets loaded off into nowhere – as much as I’m straining to hear the conversation, I can’t quite tell how they managed to mess up the flight manifest this time.

Of course, this throws me into total panic mode for a second time. I keep waiting for someone to show up and claim my seat.

Somehow, I don’t think “I was here first!” is going to cut it. So I eye each passenger walking up the aisle with psycho suspicion, chanting to myself: “keep walking, keep walking, keep walking.” The nice German gentleman next to me is probably thinking about switching seats. I can’t blame him.

And then, they finally close the doors.

Thank you, sweet Jesus! I’m GOING HOME! So yes, in celebration, I proceeded to get exceedingly tipsy. Can you blame a girl?

How about you, what’s your awful travel story?

218 comments:

1 – 200 of 218   Newer›   Newest»
Bonnie@TheFragileXFiles said...

Wow. I don't have one that awful. Wait a minute, there was the time my 3 year old peed and soaked herself on the plane and I was without a change of clothes for her, so she wandered through the airport with a plane blanket wrapped around her loosely, somewhat flashing everyone who walked by. I should tell that story.

Anyway did your luggage make it home with you?

KLZ said...

We missed our honeymoon flight because....you know what, I don't want to get into it. But it was totally the airport's fault.

Good luck traveling with a toddler!

SmartBear said...

Wow...you are right. I would have ordered the drinks to keep coming.
Worst flight pre-tot? Coming home from grad school in Detroit, the plane in Chicago decided to leave early and was already on the tarmac. I had not seen my boyfriend in 3 months and proceeded to have a big hissy fit when they told me they could fly me out the next day.
They turned the plane around and back to the terminal. People actually applauded me when I got on board. Well...the ones that weren't pissed.
Worst post-baby? We had to wake up our 3 year old at 4:30 a.m. to catch our first leg on a Carribean vacay. Standing in line in security, they would not let us through. Despite the fact we had arrived in plenty of time, they would not prioritize folks who had flights leaving earlier vs. the other flights. We watched in horror, helpless as the plane boarded and took off. We had to wait another 3 hours to get on a plane. With a VERY tired tot!
Best,
Tina

JoAnna said...

I cannot believe they turned a plane around for you, SMARTBEAR! My aunt just got stuck for HOURS on the tarmac and the best they could do was go back to the jetway and allow a few passengers to go stand on that. They would not let them in the airport because if they did, they would not have been "authorized" to let them back on the plane!

Remember when flying was a breeze? You could show up minutes before you left, wearing all manner of shoes and metal things and just waltz on? Even with someone else's name on your boaring pass? They seem light light years ago!

Aleta said...

That's what scares me about flights. We almost had an issue with a cruise, where they were sending our luggage to another ship. I was planning on having to buy all new cloths while on vacation, but the luggage was brought to us, late, but it made it.

Rach (DonutsMama) said...

My flight was delayed and I almost missed my connecting flight. I ran and ran and made it. Luggage didn't. I had no luggage for nearly 3 days. I was so stressed and bummed and had to go shopping for boring stuff like toothpaste and underwear. Luckily the airline compensated me for it all.

The Spaghetti Westerner said...

I don't blame you! That's enough stress to make anyone want to get tipsy.

Counselor Musings said...

I just posted a recent flying story today! You can check it out here:
http://counselormusings.blogspot.com/2011/07/one-time-i-was-pushed-by-passenger-on.html

And yes, it involves wine as well:) And being pushed around by a passenger.

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol rx buy tramadol online no prescription mastercard - tramadol 50 mg itching

Anonymous said...

buy ativan ativan hallucinations - ativan generic cost

Anonymous said...

purchase ativan long until ativan addiction - buying ativan online in canada

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online tramadol medication online - order tramadol online no prescription overnight

Anonymous said...

legal buy tramadol online tramadol and addiction - buy tramadol money order

Anonymous said...

buy klonopin online length of klonopin withdrawal - klonopin .5 street value

Anonymous said...

best buy tramadol tramadol 50mg tablets high - buy tramadol online no prescription

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol with cod buy tramadol online visa - tramadol 50 mg qds

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online no prescription buy tramadol forum - tramadol high 50 mg

Anonymous said...

order klonopin online klonopin drug overdose - klonopin performance anxiety

Anonymous said...

generic clonazepam klonopin vs klonopin wafers - klonopin for anxiety reviews

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online buy tramadol online in europe - tramadol hcl taken with tylenol

Anonymous said...

buy ambien online ambien online shopping - ambien cr generic price

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online zaldiar tramadol hcl - buy ultram in canada

Anonymous said...

ambien for sale no prescription ambien cr what is it - ambien yaz

Anonymous said...

ativan anxiety ativan withdrawal muscle pain - ativan xanax

Anonymous said...

best buy tramadol cheap tramadol next day - order tramadol online from usa

Anonymous said...

carisoprodol without prescription soma juice frame - soma pre employment drug test

Anonymous said...

ambien online ambien vicodin overdose - ambien side effects bruising

Anonymous said...

soma 350 mg soma san diego club - buy soma online cheap no prescription

Anonymous said...

buying ambien online online pharmacy for ambien - what's considered overdose ambien

Anonymous said...

tramadol without prescription buy tramadol hcl online - tramadol dosage severe pain dogs

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol tramadol 100 mg a day - tramadol hcl 50 mg tablets

Anonymous said...

soma cost cheapest soma online - soma nursing bras

Anonymous said...

order ambien generic med ambien cr - can ambien and alcohol kill you

Anonymous said...

soma online soma drug wikipedia - buy soma rush

Anonymous said...

buy cheap klonopin klonopin medication - 2mg klonopin teva

Anonymous said...

buy ambien online ambien dosage instructions - ambien side effects addiction

Anonymous said...

generic ambien ambien high description - zolpidem side effects libido

Anonymous said...

klonopin 2mg max dose of klonopin for anxiety - buy clonazepam in canada

Anonymous said...

buy ambien online overnight sleep medication better than ambien - buy generic ambien online no prescription

Anonymous said...

tramadol online tramadol vicodin high - tramadol online pharmacy overnight

Anonymous said...

soma 350 mg soma san diego history - soma drug coupon

Anonymous said...

ativan no prescription long break ativan addiction - can ativan and xanax be taken together

Anonymous said...

zolpidem online can people overdose ambien - ambien cr without rx

Anonymous said...

klonopin online buy klonopin online with mastercard - klonopin 1mg street price

Anonymous said...

generic ambien ambien and alcohol effects - order ambien online overnight

Anonymous said...

tramadol online purchase tramadol no prescription - buy tramadol money order

Anonymous said...

buy viagra professional best way buy viagra online - cheap viagra online prescription

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol with cod tramadol high get - tramadol purchase canada

Anonymous said...

tramadol online tramadol and vicodin - buy tramadol cheap

Anonymous said...

buy zolpidem online ambien cr price per pill - online ambien music streaming

Anonymous said...

ambien without a rx can i split 10mg ambien - ambien costa rica

Anonymous said...

order viagra now buy viagra doha - buy viagra from canada online

Anonymous said...

ambien for sale no prescription ambien cr rebate - can cut 10mg ambien half

Anonymous said...

buy zolpidem online ambien cr blue pill - ambien light

Anonymous said...

buy viagra online buy viagra in canada no prescription - buy viagra in thailand

Anonymous said...

cheap tramadol no prescription order tramadol online overnight - legit online pharmacy tramadol

Anonymous said...

buy soma online buy 180 soma - soma function

Anonymous said...

ambien 5 ambien kennedy - ambien lounge bean bags australia

Anonymous said...

purchase klonopin klonopin for mild anxiety - klonopin dosage sizes

Anonymous said...

ambien generic ambien abuse stories - 10mg of ambien

Anonymous said...

where to order viagra order generic viagra online - order viagra from canadian pharmacy

Anonymous said...

order generic viagra online viagra headquarters - generic viagra online pharmacy canada

Anonymous said...

soma cost buy soma online usa - soma 350 mg good

Anonymous said...

buy viagra next day delivery cheap viagra for sale online - viagra dosage half

Anonymous said...

soma online soma 01915 - generic soma

Anonymous said...

buy viagra sample purchase viagra with mastercard - buy viagra uk tesco

Anonymous said...

ambien without prescriptions generic ambien online pharmacy - ambien class 2 medication

Anonymous said...

viagra buy buy viagra online in uk - buy pfizer viagra no prescription

Anonymous said...

buy generic ambien online makes generic ambien - ambien cr difference

Anonymous said...

soma online generic name for soma muscle relaxer - soma devlet hastanesi online randevu

Anonymous said...

buy cialis online with prescription buy cialis without doctor prescription canada - buy cheap genuine cialis

Anonymous said...

cialis online daily dose cialis side effects - cialis online madrid

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol rx what does generic tramadol look like - buy tramadol online australia

Anonymous said...

cheap viagra pills viagra 25 years old - illegal to buy viagra online

Anonymous said...

viagra online no prescriptions buy viagra london uk - like viagra for women

Anonymous said...

buy sildenafil viagra from canada online no prescription - buy viagra nyc

Anonymous said...

online soma soma medication dose - soma pill high

Anonymous said...

buy viagra buy viagra online without - viagra buy singapore

Anonymous said...

cialis drug cialis long term effects - review of cialis daily

Anonymous said...

order tramadol online without prescription tramadol 50 mg online - buy 300 mg tramadol

Anonymous said...

buy generic tramadol no prescription buy tramadol online usa - tramadol dose vet

Anonymous said...

sildenafil tablets legal to buy viagra online - viagra online legitimate

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol overnight shipping tramadol overdose dangerous - happens you overdose tramadol

Anonymous said...

order viagra no prescription order generic viagra online - pill like viagra for women

Anonymous said...

buy viagra online pharmacy buy viagra cheap online no prescription - viagra online yahoo answers

Anonymous said...

buy viagra online best quality viagra online - legitimate online pharmacy viagra

Anonymous said...

viagra online no prescriptions where can u buy viagra - generic viagra kamagra

Anonymous said...

order viagra now cheap brand name viagra online - viagra+where to buy in melbourne

Anonymous said...

buy cialis professional online generic cialis reviews - cialis normal dosage

Anonymous said...

viagra online buy viagra from canada - buy viagra online using paypal

Anonymous said...

order tramadol online cod order tramadol online 100mg - tramadol hcl 50 mg

Anonymous said...

buy cialis online cheap can you buy cialis canada - buy cialis online us

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol cash on delivery tramadol hcl back pain - buy tramadol money order

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol hcl tramadol 50mg uses - can i get high off tramadol

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol cod online buy tramadol using mastercard - 2 50 mg tramadol

Anonymous said...

how to buy cialis cialis online canada - generic cialis kaufen

Anonymous said...

sildenafil no prescription buy generic viagra pills - viagra for women alternatives

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online tramadol sandoz l.p. 100 mg - tramadol 150 mg dose

Anonymous said...

propecia pharmacy generic propecia finasteride 1mg - propecia 0.25

Anonymous said...

tramadol online overnight tramadol hcl 50 mg tab uses - tramadol no prescription overseas

Anonymous said...

tramadol 50mg buy tramadol with visa - tramadol 50 mg norge

Anonymous said...

order tramadol no prescription tramadol buy australia - order tramadol online pharmacy

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online buy tramadol generic ultram - order tramadol legally

Anonymous said...

propecia without prescription buy propecia new zealand - propecia results 5 months

Anonymous said...

tramadol cheap long will tramadol high last - tramadol dosage dental pain

Anonymous said...

buy retin-a online retin a micro how to use - retin a wrinkle cream reviews

Anonymous said...

buy propecia online where to buy propecia and rogaine - propecia works

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol buy tramadol online in australia - tramadol withdrawal day 1

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online tramadol 50 mg purchase - tramadol 50 mg vs tylenol #3

Anonymous said...

buy propecia online results with propecia - propecia johnny depp

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol cheap online tramadol online usa - generic brand name tramadol

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol with paypal physical addiction tramadol - tramadol withdrawal one week

Anonymous said...

tramadol online no prescription tramadol zantac - tramadol withdrawal kratom

Anonymous said...

tramadol online order tramadol with saturday delivery - tramadol 10mg

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol tramadol zoloft - tramadol online reliable

Anonymous said...

tramadol 50mg order tramadol cod nc - buy tramadol cod

Anonymous said...

tramadol online can order tramadol online - tramadol ultram ingredients

Anonymous said...

purchase tramadol tramadol overdose how long - buy tramadol online in australia

Anonymous said...

buy finasteride propecia coupon print - propecia reviews yahoo

Anonymous said...

buy retin-a without prescription retin a micro gel para estrias - buy retin a micro 0.04

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol saturday delivery tramadol 083 - tramadol high bluelight

Anonymous said...

buy propecia online buy propecia in london - should i buy propecia online

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol india buying tramadol online forum - tramadol promethazine high

Anonymous said...

tramadol online buy tramadol online usa cheap - tramadol hcl how to take it

Anonymous said...

cheap viagra online viagra dosage compared to levitra - how to buy viagra us

Anonymous said...

generic viagra viagra 100mg price - order viagra in australia

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol tramadol 50mg tab - tramadol hcl 50mg reviews

Anonymous said...

generic cialis cialis daily treatment - generic cialis oral jelly

Anonymous said...

order cialis online order cialis online canada - how to buy cialis safely online

Anonymous said...

viagra for sale order viagra online us - viagra buy chennai

Anonymous said...

buy cialis buy cialis vs viagra - generic cialis 20mg tablets

Anonymous said...

buy viagra no prescription purchase viagra online from us - buy genuine generic viagra

Anonymous said...

buy cialis buy cialis holland - where to buy cialis online in canada

Anonymous said...

cheap viagra viagra online dk - viagra price

Anonymous said...

viagra 100mg is generic viagra as good as real thing - should you buy viagra online

Anonymous said...

order viagra cheap generic viagra online reviews - viagra for women australia

Anonymous said...

viagra online without prescription is it dangerous to buy viagra online - buy viagra puerto vallarta

Anonymous said...

viagra cost buy viagra online from us - best online pharmacy generic viagra

Anonymous said...

viagra 100mg buy viagra through paypal - ordering viagra online in us

Anonymous said...

buy cialis professional cialis online overnight delivery - online apotheke cialis 20mg

Anonymous said...

cialis price how to buy cialis online - cialis coupon

Anonymous said...

buy generic viagra cheap-generic-viagra forum - viagra pills

Anonymous said...

cialis sale generic cialis overnight shipping - cialis reviews patients

Anonymous said...

generic cialis cialis hong kong price - reviews for generic cialis

Anonymous said...

generic cialis cialis recommended dosage - best quality generic cialis

Anonymous said...

generic cialis average retail price cialis - cialis everyday price

Anonymous said...

generic cialis online cialis daily dose generic - cheap brand cialis

Anonymous said...

order soma online soma 250 pill - soma ultralounge

Anonymous said...

cialis professional buy cialis professional 20 mg - legal to buy cialis online

Anonymous said...

buy cialis cialis daily 10 mg - get real cialis online

Anonymous said...

generic cialis buy cialis paypal payment - buy cialis canada paypal

Anonymous said...

buy cialis generic cialis risks - buy cheap cialis online uk

Anonymous said...

buy viagra online order viagra now - buy 25 mg viagra

Anonymous said...

buy cialis cialis daily testimonials - buy cialis get free viagra

Anonymous said...

buy cialis cialis price vs viagra - online apotheke cialis 20mg

Anonymous said...

buy soma 350mg buy real soma online - muscle relaxant soma carisoprodol

Anonymous said...

viagra without prescription generic viagra online us no prescription - buy viagra us pharmacy

Anonymous said...

viagra online viagra buy in singapore - viagra dosage half

Anonymous said...

buy soma buy soma online with credit card - soma printable coupons 2012

Anonymous said...

soma sale soma 853 - soma 350 mg abuse

Anonymous said...

buy soma soma muscle relaxer drug interactions - cost cab sfo soma

Anonymous said...

soma without prescription what is generic soma - soma 50 off coupon

Anonymous said...

buy somas online soma muscle relaxer breastfeeding - what is soma 350 mg used for

Anonymous said...

buy soma soma drug literature - soma 250

Anonymous said...

generic soma muscle relaxer like soma - the muscle relaxer soma

Anonymous said...

soma cheap watson soma online - cheap somas online

Anonymous said...

order cialis online no prescription cialis online sale - order cialis usa

Anonymous said...

buy soma buy aura soma bottles usa - somawave helmet

Anonymous said...

buy soma best buy soma - buy soma online from usa

Anonymous said...

buy cialis cialis daily price - cialis 80

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online tramadol withdrawal in newborns - tramadol vs hydrocodone dosage

Anonymous said...

buy retin-a online retinadance - retin a cream or gel better

Anonymous said...

tramadol 50mg tramadol overdose wiki - tramadol for dogs + rimadyl

Anonymous said...

buy retin a online buy retin-a online from usa - retin a micro gel ingredients

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol cheap no prescription buy tramadol online no prescription cod - tramadol ibuprofen

Anonymous said...

cheap tramadol tramadol hcl long term use - buy tramadol for dogs uk

Anonymous said...

buy retin a retin-a micro gel for warts - retin a cream ingredients

Anonymous said...

tramadol without prescription tramadol hcl recreational dosage - buy tramadol online mastercard

Anonymous said...

tramadol 50mg buy tramadol in the usa - buy tramadol online fedex delivery

Anonymous said...

cheap tramadol tramadol hydrochloride online - tramadol hcl 20mg

Anonymous said...

retin a order online buy retin a tretinoin usa - does retin a gel 0.01 work

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol cod overnight uss cheap tramadol - is it illegal to purchase tramadol online

Anonymous said...

cheap tramadol tramadol online deutschland - tramadol online 99

Anonymous said...

retin a buy online retin a cream online usa - retin a cream usa prices

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol buy tramadol an 627 - tramadol codeine high

Anonymous said...

where to buy tramadol buy tramadol online by cod - ordertramadolonline.org

Anonymous said...

cheap tramadol buy cheap tramadol online - tramadol 50mg can you get high

Anonymous said...

cheap tramadol tramadol zoloft taken together - tramadol hcl with alcohol

Anonymous said...

tramadol online cod order tramadol online overnight - tramadol for dogs and humans

Anonymous said...

cheap tramadol buy tramadol online cash on delivery - best website buy tramadol

Anonymous said...

generic xanax xanax drug usage - xanax effects mind

Anonymous said...

buy generic xanax drug get off xanax - xanax bars lyrics

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol hcl tramadol 50mg street - best site order tramadol

Anonymous said...

tramadol online cheap tramadol overnight no prescription - tramadol hcl medication

Anonymous said...

xanax online no prescription 1mg xanax good - cheap xanax online pharmacy

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online tramadol for dogs uses - tramadol hcl

Anonymous said...

generic xanax xanax 2mg green - xanax 604

Anonymous said...

buy carisoprodol what is soma carisoprodol - carisoprodol 350 mg oral tablet

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol without rx tramadol hcl compared to vicodin - tramadol dosage greyhounds

Anonymous said...

carisoprodol 350 mg carisoprodol show up drug test - carisoprodol positive drug test

«Oldest ‹Older   1 – 200 of 218   Newer› Newest»