Friday, May 6, 2011

Kitsch-en Window

You guys, I am forcing Lola to do a monthly column here. Here's her most recent post for me. Poor Lola has been in the middle of insanity trying to help her parents move all the while beginning renovations on her own condo. Please to enjoy.

I’m remodeling my kitchen. These words strike terror in the heart of anyone who’s ever had to undertake a remodeling project. I could tell you about how I remodeled my bathroom a few years back, but that’s still something I’m only able to discuss with my therapist. And yet, here I am, back for more, more, MORE! Because I am Lola and I’m a masochist.

But the reality of it is, I need to turn that early-70s dimly lit hell into something that’s passably 21st- century. Of course I don’t want it to bankrupt me, so all the changes are as cosmetic as possible (at first, I thought I could get away with maybe just changing the cabinet handles…or maybe just blind-folding all my guests, but realized that wasn’t going to be enough).

First of all, it has this awesome fluorescent-light drop ceiling with yellowed-out panels that make me want to cry. It also makes the ceiling about a foot lower than it is. Here’s a shot. That ceiling has GOT to go. Unless I buckle down and wait for plastic-panel drop ceilings to come back in style over the next 50 years or so. Hey, it could happen, right? Martha Stewart will SO embrace the look one day! Or Martha Stewart’s floating head in a jar will.

But what other retro horrors lurk in Lola’s freakshow kitchen? And why haven’t the producers of That 70s Show ever contacted me for a shooting location? Let’s take a look. How about the wallpaper that hides inside my nice, white cabinets?! Have you ever seen a more groovy pattern of green and poopish gold paisley? Well, that’s just the TOP layer of wallpaper, people! I’m sure even more psychedelic treasures hide within!

So yes, traveling back in time got me thinking about other faded trends of the past millennium. Who remembers mood lipstick of the 1980s? It always came out kind of beigeish/greenish/brownish on me, but maybe that’s because my mood never changes? And then there were jelly shoes! And speaking of jelly, who was onboard with the jelly roll pens – my favorite was this barely-there pink that was completely illegible to my high school English teacher. Who needs to study when you can just write gibberish in almost-invisible ink?

And how about the slightly more recent trend of the Rachel – that hairdo that looked so effortless yet took hours to recreate? For some reason, I usually have a perfect example of that retro classic whenever I roll out of bed on the days that I work from home. Yet when I actually have to go into the office, it takes me hours to concoct anything decent on my head. Why, oh cruel gods of Friends episodes past?? What have I done to anger thee??

I’m sure I’m leaving a few awesome trends out, but I’m sure you guys can think of some! What were some of your regrettable or perhaps nostalgic trend favorites?


Sparkling said...

I am so not impressed with that wallpaper because I grew up in a kitchen that had wallpaper with these fabulous green, orange and brown things. Things like potbellied stoves and flowery things. UGH. It was so hideous. And not to be outdone, the living room had green and orange sailboats on that wallpaper. I am so glad that new colors were discovered after the 70s.

Small Town Mommy said...

I don't think I have ever seen wallpaper inside a cabinet. That must have taken a lot of work. I loved the 80s and am just waiting patiently for them to come back.

Rach (DonutsMama) said...

Do we live in the same place and just not know it? I feel your pain--on the 70s kitchen and on the remodel. We are remodeling every.square.inch of our place. Gah!!

Regrettable trends: How about the big bangs of the 80s sprayed with Aqua Net?

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure my favorite bad kitchen trend were dark stained cabinets. Like, not dark wood, but that sweet, kind of glossy, kind of sticky "just varnished" look. God, that was so hot.